This week I saw a Facebook post about ideas for celebrating Mother’s Day … but it was for grandmothers. What a bone-crushing feeling that was. I don’t have a grandmother anymore.
It has been almost six years and not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of her. What do you do with that kind of loss?
I’ve heard the old adage that time makes it better, but I’m almost certain that that’s not true. It numbs a little, or maybe not. Either way it’s still there. One way I go on, is remembering all the things I learned from her.
Ideals of Love and Marriage
My ideal of love and marriage, came first and foremost from my grandmother. From her example I learned that when it comes to love and marriage, you better choose right. She married the right person, which is half the battle. I knew that is what I wanted to do too. Back then people stuck it out. Going into marriage, I knew I had to have a lot of fight in me because every day wouldn’t be easy, but every day would be worth it. And last but not least, honor your vows. There was a certain commitment that you make on that day and it’s one worth standing by.
Photograph Your Life
Whenever I would visit my grandmother, the first place I would go to is the cabinet in her dresser and look through her photo albums. She told me that when she was gone I could have her pictures. I now have 60 years or more of pictures of her life, and they mean the world to me. No matter how stupid or silly something may be, I take a photograph so I can look back and remember those times in my life. And hopefully one day my photographs will mean as much to my children (and grandchildren) as my grandmother’s photos mean to me.
Be of service
I grew up seeing my grandmother do a lot of service for her church and her community. She was caring for disabled children up until she was 84 and suffered something there was no coming back from. It didn’t make a difference that she wasn’t well off. The fact was there are always people who have it worse than you and you have an obligation to do more. I have not stepped up to do service in my community, but that is something I am making a commitment to do. Do for others.
I suppose the hardest part of missing my grandmother on Mother’s Day (and her birthday, and Christmas, and my wedding, and EVERY other day) is that she was the only person who never gave up on me. I hope that she’s at peace, I hope she’s proud, and more than anything, I hope she knows how much I truly wish she could see it all. So until I see her again, I’ll keep going on and I’ll try to keep making her proud.
What life lessons has your grandmother taught you?
Simone,
Thanks for your insight. Wonderful! Mothers Day is for that person in your life who instilled the values and love you write about, whether is it biological mother or other, biological grandmother or other, or other. Just look at the cards in the Mothers Day section. Right off I can say you will find cards for Mother, Grandmother, Stepmother and My Other Mother and even more that fit the “bill”. I had a mother and grandmother who both fit the description you write of your grandmother. How lucky both of us are. When Mothers Day comes around sometimes I feel sad, but not for long when I think of the wonderful memories I have of them and know that I am more than blessed to have had them in my life. Same goes for my father and grandfather. What is sad is that lots of people don’t even have the one person in their lives who could instill such great values. I pray for those people — maybe it isn’t too late for them to find a person who will make a difference. And I pray for the very young that they will early in life find that person like your grandmother who kept giving as long as she lived. God bless you.