Facing the Empty Nest

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I have been whining about my daughter going off to college for six months now. But maybe, just maybe, there is a little part of me that might be okay with it.

Don’t judge, please.

I love being a mother, every single day. But it feels like my husband and I have always been parents. We planned to wait five years into our marriage to start our family, but Caroline came along the very first year after we tied the knot. So we never really had any time to be Mr. and Mrs. and explore our relationship as a married couple — just the two of us — without the thought or presence of a little one in tow.

As soon as we found out we were expecting, the whole family began planning for her arrival. It was no longer about the newlyweds, it was about the parents-to-be. I am not complaining, because their excitement and support was wonderful … it’s just that in it all, it became less about us as a newlywed couple finding our way — which we were very much experiencing and working through — and more about the new bundle of joy that was soon to arrive.

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My husband and I have never really experienced being married without caring for a child full-time.

So we’ve never really been married without caring for a child. We built our lives around loving, raising and teaching our daughter. Now that she is about to go off to college, I am contemplating what our marriage will be like when our focus is mostly on us. Although Caroline will still need us, daily parenting will not really be a part of our lives and to be honest she has been very independent for the last couple of years.

So, what do we do?

Well, I am looking forward to finding new hobbies, traveling to new places, and just getting to know who we are without the demands that parenting puts on a marriage. I’m looking forward to finding out who we are — together — outside of full-time parenting.

Maybe 46 is really the new 26. I do not feel old enough to have a daughter going off to college — well, at least not mentally, maybe physically. The sky is the limit. What if I ran off to Machu Pichu? What if my husband and I bought motorcycles? What if we started a rock band? It is not completely out of the question.

I guess what all this reflecting really means is that I am starting to think of Caroline’s imminent departure for college as a possible beginning, rather than an ending to all I hold dear. Maybe it is just so I can feel comforted, I am not really sure, but I do know that she is prepared for a grand new adventure. And perhaps, maybe, I am too.

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Looking forward to new beginnings…

What advice would you give to moms facing that proverbial empty nest?

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Lori Clarke
Raised in the foothills of North Carolina, Lori found herself moving to Columbia for some boy almost 20 years ago. After finally saying yes, she and her husband, Donald began a family and put down roots right here in South Carolina. A two time graduate of the University of South Carolina, Lori holds an M.A.T. in Elementary Education and an M. Ed. in Educational Administration. She is a National Board Certified Teacher in Language and Literacy and teaches 5th grade in a local school district.

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