Lightly sleeping. Hears baby crying. Rolls over and looks at clock.
“Oh my gosh, 5:30 in the morning? I’m so tired. How many times did I get up with <insert babies name>? I need coffee. Oh please God, did I buy creamer at the store this week? I need to remember to add sponges to the list.”
Stumbles out of bed and hits toe on the foot-board and whispers something that sounds like a swear word, but because the toddler always seems to be in earshot it is a new, creative version.
“That darn foot-board. I wonder if it’s time to get a new mattress. Has it been 8 years already? It feels like we just bought it.”
Pees – the only time that day that it will happen ALONE. Washes hands.
“I think I saw an email from Bath and Body Works that hand soaps are on sale. I should pick some up.”
Grabs a bathrobe.
“Lord, this smells sour. Did I forget to put this in the dryer again? I swear, am I the ONLY one who does the laundry in this house?”
Walks in son’s room and picks him up, feeling a huge swell of love. SIGHS, happily, breathing him in. Baby pukes all over sour bathrobe.
“Crap! Oh, well, it needed to be washed anyway. I hope he’s okay. He didn’t really want to nurse last night. Oh my gosh, he’s a little warm. I need to call the doctor as soon as they open. And I might need to call in to work and let them know I will be a little late. Wait, I can’t call my boss at 5:34 in the morning. No, she’s a mom, she’s up. I’ll text her. No, I can’t text. I’m sure it was just a little too much milk. I wonder if I ate something bad. I need coffee.”
Cleans up baby, changes him and puts him in fresh clothes, does not shed robe, but trots him and the dogs downstairs to make coffee. Lets dogs outside and they bark obnoxiously.
“I hate our dogs! They are constantly barking! Why can’t they just shut up? I wonder if our neighbors hate us. We are the crazy people with the three dogs who can’t control them. I need to schedule their vet visit. I’m sure they are coming up on their flea medicine refill. Oh no, FLEAS! We cannot have fleas again! The last time Bailey had them all over her, it was awful.”
Looks for favorite coffee mug, remembers it is in the dishwasher, which she needs to empty.
“I hope I remembered coffee creamer, I can’t drink coffee anymore without it.”
Opens fridge with baby on her hip, relieved to see the creamer. He lunges for the mustard.
“Go ahead baby boy, have at it.”
Baby gnaws on mustard lid while coffee brews. Makes coffee one-handed. Places baby down on the living room rug with a few toys while she sips her hot coffee. Sighs, happily. Toddler awakens.
“Mommmmyyyyy, I wake up,” whines a little voice.
Shower upstairs goes on. Husband is awake and getting in the shower.
“Well, that was a good sip of coffee. I can’t wait to taste it again in half an hour. I love iced coffee. Starbucks was supposed to send me a free rewards coffee for my birthday and never did. I should tweet them. Oh my gosh, I was supposed to get the little girl at daycare a gift for her birthday this week! I might have an extra Starbucks’ gift card laying around. Kids like frapps, right? Mine do.”
Embraces toddler and squeezes her tight, enjoying how she still fits in her arms.
“Mommy, I want TV and fruit loops and milk,” says the toddler.
“When did my three year old turn into the next dictator? Lord knows, that child is demanding! And if Bryan says ‘she’s all yours’ again, I might murder him. Is this how my mom felt? I haven’t talked to my dad in forever. Wasn’t he supposed to have surgery in a couple weeks? I hope he’s ok.”
Tends to the kids and breakfast, absent-mindedly wiping down the counters and picking up last nights’ spills.
“Mommy! Mommy! Marshall took my fruit loops!” screams the toddler.
“Oh no, they are already fighting? Why? It’s not even 6:00! If this keeps up, my hair is gonna fall out. I really need to text Brad and make a hair appointment. When was the last time I had my hair colored? I saw Amber on Instagram the other day and she looked so good. My hair needs to be freshened up.”
Sips coffee that has gone lukewarm already. Places in microwave for the first warm-up of the morning. Tells the kids she is going to be right back and goes upstairs to spray some dry shampoo in her hair, tosses the sour robe in the laundry room, and collects her make-up bag and clothes to finish the process of getting ready downstairs so she can be in the line of sight of the children. Husband is getting out of the shower, leisurely drying off. Eyes him wearily.
“I wonder if in the next life I could come back as a man. I want to be a man. God, I would like to put my request in now. I miss long, hot showers when my hair actually got washed.”
Walks downstairs and yells at dog that is trying to lick the baby’s face. Retrieves cup from microwave and sips it. Mutters her made up curse word under her breath. At least she likes iced coffee.