When I was 11 we moved into a new house. Our house seemed like heaven on earth. There were friendly neighbors, lots of kids and a backyard pool. It was the best summer ever because we swam, played and ate junk food all day long. Because I was a tomboy, I was happy to have kids around me who wanted to play kickball and swim. Through this summer, we formed friendships that have stood the test of time.
One of my best friends to come out of the new neighborhood was my friend Sean. Yes, he was the proverbial “first love” and our delicate dance through hormonal adolescence provided a lot of speculation and suspicion in our middle and high school years. But through it all, we always remained friends.
Now that I am solidly into my late 30s, this friendship, which has lasted more than 27 years, is one of the most important in my life. I would never give up this friendship just because he is a male. We have been through it all: marriages, divorces, death of a parent, multi-state moves … everything life has handed to us, we’ve been able to count on each other through each and every step.
My husband solidly supports this and has never been threatened that someone has been in my life before him. He understands how important and rare this friendship is and has been encouraging in every way.
When Sean recently came to town and I posted a picture of us on social media, one of the most popular questions I got was “Where is your husband?” to which I happily and honestly replied “Who do you think took the picture?”
The more I thought I began to realize that this kind of friendship was pretty rare: I’m a Mom with Guy Friends. In what would make many people uncomfortable, the more I realized that not only was this friendship good for me, it was good for my kids. Below are four reasons why Moms shouldn’t drop the “Guy Friends” in our lives.
My kids see loyalty. Because Sean has been around since I was 11, my kids have known him their whole lives as well. They see that friendship can last through time, miles and difficult life events. Loyalty is a hard concept for kids to grasp which is why it is so meaningful for them to see it in action.
My kids see healthy relationships. There are all kind of relationships in this world. My kids see a healthy one between a man and woman. I want my kids to know from an early age that it is completely natural to have friends of the opposite sex and not all relationships between men and women involve physical intimacy or sex.
My kids have a good example of what it means to be friends with different kinds of people. Even though they can be a tad more difficult and confusing at some times in life, having a friend of the opposite sex is a good model for my kids to become friends with people without preconceived ideas.
My kids see trust. My husband will gladly watch the kids while I grab dinner or a drink with Sean on the rare occasion we are in the same town. My husband will gladly take our picture when we are all out having lunch together. My husband will cater to the kids’ requests if we are talking on the phone. My kids see that their parents have a relationship built on trust and that trust extends to both male and female friends. Being confident in our relationship helps our kids internalize the importance a marriage built on trusting someone and being trustworthy.
Some people are critical of my decision, and that’s okay. They think I am opening up my marriage to temptation. Some claim that my husband is the only male friend I should ever need. But to that I answer that my husband is the only husband I’ll ever need but I can have other friends who are of all genders, races and ethnicities.
True friendships are hard to find throughout life. Although it won’t work for all marriages and families, being a Mom with Guy Friends has brought more blessing than burdens, more fun than frustrations and more positivity than problems. As Thomas Aquinas said “There is nothing on this Earth more to be prized than true friendship,” and I am so thankful for it.
