YES. That is exactly what I mean. Let’s take a moment to appreciate the newest and latest fashion trends we toddler and baby mamas are rocking this summer.
- All-over cracker dusting. This hot accessory is the result of endless handfuls of decapitated Goldfish your baby has relished. For an extra flair, add in the one he chewed up and then spit out because it tasted differently than the 500 others he’s eaten this morning. Orange is so obviously the new black.
- Lumpy milk eau de toilette. Ooh, did you just find that 5-day-old cup of milk that has been sitting in your car during this 90-degree heat? Excellent job spilling it down your blouse as you hold your nose and try to pour it down the sink. A splash of texture and a lovely lingering smell to boot.
- The I-don’t-sparkle-I-drown-in-sweat damp spot. That nifty bookbag-style diaper bag rests so nicely on your lower back. What better way to keep cool during the summer than a perma-sweat stain? Add pit stains and a dripping brow to complete this ensemble. Carrying a 20+ pound baby anywhere in the summer recommended for accomplishing this wet-look.
- Sandy bottom belle. Don’t worry about hiding imperfections while on the beach. Opt for the texturizing effect of sand in all your nooks and crannies because you’ll be sitting directly in the sand and ocean puddles. Sandcastle building is fun and fashionable!
- Mystery stain before a meeting. Is it food? Is it snot? Who knows? I just know it only shows up right in the center of whatever you’re wearing right before you walk into an important meeting. Don’t worry, we’re sure nobody will notice.
- The Mary Poppins purse. Did you say you needed a bandaid/bottle of water/pacifier/bobby pin/extra pair of shoes/snack? Because it’s all in my bag. All of it. My purse has its own purse.
- Gray hair, don’t care. Oh, but you do care. Once smooth and hydrated, these coarse wires that now don your crown are just summer “highlights.” Rock them proudly. Or panic and pull them out like I do.
It isn’t always pretty, but man is it fun. My wardrobe may have some extra stains, and my flats may be worn threadbare from chasing that toddler around endlessly, but I also know my smile is brighter and those under-eye circles are not as noticeable as I imagine.