I’m that girl who still wore a t-shirt over her bathing suit until — well, until loose tankinis with skirt bottoms became popular when I was in my twenties. So, posing in my underwear for a photoshoot is so far outside of my comfort zone, I can’t even begin to describe it. But when I heard the 4th Trimester Bodies Project was coming to Charlotte, I signed up for a photoshoot as soon as the schedule opened.
So, if I am afraid to even be seen in a bathing suit, what would compel me to voluntarily pose wearing only a black bra and black panties?
Well, I guess you have to understand the 4th Trimester Bodies Project to really understand why.
4th Trimester Bodies has grown from a portrait Ashlee took of herself in her underwear, holding her beautiful surviving daughter to capture the loss and pain and hell they had experienced that year to a global movement:
“dedicated to embracing the beauty inherent in the changes brought to our bodies by motherhood, childbirth and breastfeeding.”
And that’s how it began.
Ashlee wanted to capture other women’s stories and share them to promote healing and sharing and empowerment. She and Laura and Nova now travel all over the globe to help women like me, and like my fellow contributor Barbara, share our stories and heal our hearts.
Ashlee has worked hard to ensure that the 4th Trimester Bodies Project has flourished and grown.
Because mothers and their bodies are too harshly judged by the media and the world.
Because motherhood is sacred and should be celebrated.
Because not all babies that we carry get to stay with us to grow up.
Because breastfeeding is beautiful and should not be censored.
In a word, the project is about healing.
From whatever it is that hurts us. Body image, loss of a baby or child, loss of self as a mother, not feeling good enough.
I wanted to participate because of Ashlee. Ashlee is an amazing mother, photographer, TTTS Awareness, and breastfeeding advocate. Ashlee and I share something tragic in common, which brought us together as friends. Both of us became pregnant with identical twin girls, only to be diagnosed with Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) and subsequently lose one of our precious baby girls. I “met” Ashlee via a TTTS Grief Support Group on Facebook shortly after her beautiful surviving twin, Nova, was born. I watched her launch and grow this project in the face of her grief, and I, having walked that road myself, was so proud of her and her objective. I too needed more healing.
I also wanted to have this experience because I truly want to believe that #EveryBodyIsBeautiful including mine. Years of hurtful comments and the prevalent message throughout society that thin is beautiful – you are NOT, have left me with an unhealthy body image and self-esteem. I have two young daughters that I do not want to grow up with the same issues and self-hatred that I have fought all of my life.
When I took that picture, although it was very uncomfortable for me in the beginning, it felt amazing. I was able to share my story, feel Ashlee’s love, celebrate my three wonderful children, remember the child who is no longer with us, and celebrate the imperfect body that motherhood has transformed for her needs.
I don’t look at that picture and see perfection. But I do see love.
Ashlee and the 4th Trimester Bodies Project gave me that gift.
