I knew before I ever got pregnant that once I had a baby, life would never be the same. What I did not anticipate was the love/hate relationship I would have with my post-baby body. We all suffer from body image issues at some point in our lives, and I guess for me this is just one of those times … one of those stages I just have to get through.
Don’t get me wrong, I knew my body would never be the same, I just didn’t expect that I would both admire and curse the things that had changed. I mean let’s be real … after a truly blissful year of breastfeeding those guys are just never going to look the same in a bikini or a bra – for goodness sake it’s going to take a crane to hold those puppies up at the beach (heeellloooo underwire swimsuit)!
I have a faint scar that is accompanied by a little raised line marking my unexpected (but at the time welcomed) c-section. My tummy has a pooch from being stretched out from carrying our sweet girl for 9 months and I swear my upper arms have never looked bigger. I blame that on picking up a now 20 pound toddler (I know, I shouldn’t complain because 20 pounds is really not all that much, but I digress).
Some days it’s a constant struggle with myself. I love that my old clothes fit again, but I hate that they fit differently and nothing looks the same anymore. My husband, bless him, says he can’t even tell I had a baby. I should say thank you and instead I roll my eyes, “yeah right!”
But then, just as I’m really starting to feel sorry for myself, that little toddler who caused all the changes crawls into my lap with her favorite book and waits for me to start reading. Our little miracle settles in for story time and I remember that this body, that I’m not yet comfortable in, made this. This body brought us the best thing in our lives and I can’t help but be grateful. I love my c-section scar, my saggy boobs, my tummy pooch. I love my body because I love this life that it brought me.
It’s been over a year since our smiling, laughing, silly girl entered the world, and it has taken me that long (and will continue to take more time) for me to really start to appreciate the changes in my body and love myself the way I should. But, I’m getting there. In the meantime, I just watch my little angel and remind myself to give my body a little grace…