Let me preface this by saying I have never actually considered myself cool prior to having children or making the pilgrimage to Disney World, but after returning from the “The Happiest Place on Earth” recently, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt how uncool I really am … along with everyone else.
No one dresses cool at Disney World.
The weather in Lake Buena Vista, Florida is practically in its own biosphere. Therefore, it is impossible to plan how to dress for Disney World because there could be a 20 degree variance in temperature on any given day, not to mention the possibility of rain from a drizzle to a torrential down pour at any given moment. For instance, I ended up wearing yoga pants and an ill-fitting jersey top with a cardigan and a rain jacket tied around my waist most of the day at the Magic Kingdom – not great for picture-taking or memory-making.
Additionally, there are the hundreds of varieties of matching Disney t-shirts with appliqued Mickey Mouse ears, and embroidered monograms – for adults. Then there is the set of people who feel it necessary to sport a wide variety of actual Mickey or Minnie Mouse ears and other types of unfortunate head gear. You may see the random mom wearing some Lululemon work-out clothes, but taken out of the gym context, she definitely doesn’t look cool either.
On top of that, the bag you have to sport to lug around dozens of necessities for any preschooler, i.e. change of clothes, snacks, drinks, sunscreen, emergency lollipops, phone charger and camera, is NEVER COOL. I didn’t see many Louis Vuitton bags being hauled around. You also have to remember that every single person in the park is wearing a very uncool wrist band with the Disney logo.
No one acts cool at Disney World.
No parent can say that they are “going with the flow” or “letting things happen” or “taking it easy” when you are trying to cram as much as possible into 72 hours and attempting to get every cent’s worth out of the fortune you spent to make the trip.
You will get in at least 5 or 6 arguments with your spouse over completely irrational things such as: missing the bus from your hotel to the park, forgetting one of the bottomless drink mugs, who has to always carry the very uncool bag with all of your gear, who has to always push the stroller, FastPass selections, and where you are going to eat.
AT LEAST 5 or 6 arguments … a day.
The sole purpose of traveling with your children to Disney World is just that … your children. You will do indescribably uncool things in order to keep them happy – cue singing along at every attraction, dancing, feigning excitement at the most inane events, feigning excitement at seeing their favorite characters … and did I mention the dancing?
No one talks cool at Disney World.
Meaning, no one is talking about life’s true purpose, politics, or where they see themselves in ten years. People are either talking to their children, fussing at their children, talking to each other about how many people they think work at Disney World, or how many toilets are in Disney World, what Disney employee benefits are like, how many pounds of food does Disney produce each day, how much does the CEO of Disney get paid, how much money you have spent during the trip, and of course, where you are going to eat.
There will be that one glimmering moment where you and your spouse are finally enjoying an adult beverage at an open-air restaurant while listening to some traditional African music, and have managed to squeeze in about 3 minutes of adult conversation; but then you will quickly realize that you better chug that $8 drink because you have to make your FastPass time to the Festival of the Lion King.
No one is cool at Disney World.