Can we all agree that the final weeks of pregnancy are pretty brutal?
You have spent the previous eight months prepping for your new child’s arrival while going through some insane physical transformations. Maybe you are one of the lucky ones who never experienced the joys of morning sickness, or maybe you didn’t gain more than 10 tiny pounds. Or if you’re like me, you spent almost the entire duration of your pregnancy super sick and exhausted.
No matter how your pregnancy has been up to this point, the last few weeks of gestation are some of the most uncomfortable of your life. All you think about is how soon the baby will be making their grand entrance to the world. And all anyone can ask you about is whether or not you have given birth.
The constant barrage of questions can lead any hugely pregnant mama to lose her cool. Here are six questions/comments that drive a woman in her third trimester a little crazy.
“You look like you’re about to pop!”
I naively picked the old “about to pop” theme for my first baby shower, before I had any idea of what the final weeks of pregnancy looked like. Being told I look like I might literally explode is not flattering in the slightest. I know how I look. I also know how I feel and I feel like I might pop you in the nose.
“How are you feeling?”
Everyone means well when they ask this, but unless you too are in your third trimester, you are not ready for my truthful response.
“How am I feeling?”
Let me try to explain…
“I have a giant baby squished in my uterus who makes it completely impossible to eat what I want, drink what I want, or sleep comfortably. I have insane heartburn and have to pee every five minutes. My boobs leak, my bones ache, and I haven’t been able to touch let alone see my toes in weeks. I cry every day for either relief from this misery (i.e. giving birth) or cry because birth is imminent in the next couple of weeks and I have SO MUCH TO DO!”
If you want to score major brownie points with your friend skip the question entirely and text her, “I know you feel like total and complete crap. I will be over in 10 minutes with a milkshake.”
Any question about my post-baby plans (including but not limited to, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, circumcision, etc.)
I have read all the studies. I have polled all the moms. I have heard every bit of solicited and more often than not, unsolicited, advice on the subjects. I am entirely too tired (and cranky, oh how I am cranky) to entertain a debate on cloth diapering with you right now.
“Have you tried castor oil, primrose oil, sex, walking, spicy food, acupuncture, or an ancient shaman ritual? It worked for me!”
I am so happy for you.
“He’ll come when he’s ready. He’s just not done cooking yet.”
Really? Really? Are we comparing nine months gestation to the cooking of a Thanksgiving turkey? Of course the baby will come when he is good and ready. Or he won’t and I will have to be induced or have an emergency C-Section or BE PREGNANT FOREVER!
“Have you had that baby yet?”
Have you seen a picture of him on Facebook or Instagram? Did you receive a text message from my husband announcing his future heir’s arrival? Either we aren’t that great of friends and I am keeping the news to my inner circle or I HAVE NOT HAD THE BABY YET!
“he’ll come when he’s ready” has to be my all time least favorite! Duh, don’t you think i know that? I no longer care when he’s ready, I only care that I’m ready! . . . gasp!
I get “you’re not going to make it to 40 weeks” CONSTANTLY. In my mind, I’m not even that big!! 34 weeks and 3 days, so these definitely hit home!
I’ve started just overloading people with way too much information. The other day someone asked me how I was feeling (I’m the size of a small beluga whale; what do you think?) so I casually explained that my mucus plug had come out and so the discharge has really increased a lot, but no worries, my water hasn’t broken yet, hence here I am work still…
The questions slowed after that one!
That. Is. Awesome. Laughing over here – you go mama!