7 Absurd Baby Products You Absolutely Do Not Need

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When registering for my baby shower, I was completely overwhelmed by the amount of stuff my baby “needed.” Sure she would need a place to sleep and some clothes, but did she really need a newborn robe? Was she going to be lounging around post-bath until I dressed her? Wouldn’t a towel do the trick … better?

Navigating the world of all things baby can difficult! But I can promise you the following 7 things have no place on your registry!

Penguin Urinal

Potty training is hard enough without bringing a urinal into the picture, much less one that resembles a character off a cartoon you might see on television (take THAT  Mr. Penguin!). Just stick with the traditional cheerios and rewards chart and you’ll be fine. (And in case you’re wondering, urinal cakes sold separately, folks.)

Peeing while standing up has never been easier!
Peeing while standing up has never been easier!

Buster Vacuum Cleaner

Move over Roomba, there’s a new hands free vacuum in town and this one doubles as a kids ride on toy! Susie will love riding her new “bike” over dustballs!

Teach your kids good housekeeping skills at an early age!
Teach your kids good housekeeping skills at an early age!

Ultra-light Wireless Baby Infants Diaper Poop Wet Enuresis Alarm

Have a bad sense of smell? Can’t be bothered to check Little Johnny’s diaper every once in awhile? Never fear, a poop alarm is here! One beep for “number 2,” and 2-3 beeps for “number 1.” Just don’t confuse it with your washing machine telling you it’s time to put the clean load in the dryer. And the good news is, it can be used for grandma’s “body-inconvenience” problems too! Hooray!

Never change a diaper unnecessarily again!
Never change a diaper unnecessarily again!

Baby Bangs

Raise your hand if you have a bald baby girl! I know you are sick and tired of your precious daughter being mistaken for a boy. Give her some baby bangs to ensure she is never again mistaken for a real life Caillou. Also, be sure to have a good story for telling your friends and family how your little Miss sprouted her new, longer locks overnight.

baby-bangs
Does your baby even look like YOUR baby anymore?

The Babykeeper Basic

A baby bathroom harness will allow you to hang your child from the stall door while you do your business! Heck, you could probably even hang your little one somewhere in your home while you vacuumed … just don’t forget which door you left her dangling from.

Just hanging around
Just hanging around while mom takes a poop

Kaloo Blue Perfume without Alcohol for Babies

Babies have their own naturally intoxicating scent, but if you are the one person on earth offended by the smell of sweet baby heads you can cover it up with perfume!

Babies really smell like poo poo poo
Babies really smell like poo poo poo

Baby Lasso

This harness is supposed to help you reduce baby’s movement and allow you two hands to change baby’s diaper … perfect for the “energetic” baby. But what about that foot placement right on the milk bags? And the positioning puts you in the direct path of unsuspecting mid-change bowel movements? All while you are wrangled around the neck at the mercy of your feisty baby’s leg movements?!? Looks like a recipe for disaster!

baby lasso
I see several things that could go wrong in this picture….

What items would YOU add to this list?

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Ashleigh
Ashleigh always knew she wanted to be a mom, but a stay at home mom, not so much. At 26 she found herself trading in her lipstick and high heels for Burt’s Bee’s and nursing bras. The first of their core group of friends to have kids, Ashleigh and her husband Eric strive to maintain their fun loving lifestyle while simultaneously raising their toddler daughter. Luckily, Tiny Girl is an adorable extrovert who loves getting out and about as much as her parents. On weekends you can find the threesome strolling the aisles of Target, road tripping it to Charleston, or hosting friends in Irmo for epic board game battles.

8 COMMENTS

  1. This was the funniest thing I have read in a long time! Omg! I managed to have 2 kids without mentioned “necessities”..don’t know how I ever survived! My favorite is hands down the diaper alarm!

  2. It is already bad enough that companies make diapers with the line that changes color when wet, which to me is for lazy parents. Now there is a diaper alarm? *facepalm*

  3. Hahaha! Omg, this was hysterical! Although I could have used one of those bathroom baby hanger-uppers. Hanging onto squirmy babies while trying to relieve ones self is not the most convenient task. I totally would have used that!

    The lasso one was so much fun to read. Foot placement on the milk bags!!! Ahhhhhahahaha!

  4. I can’t imagine why the company of these said items created this useless baby products. As a mom, I only needed some basic stuff for my baby. And oh, baby might fall using that babykeeper basic. Instead of making parenting easier, these items will make it tougher for us and harmful to our kids.

  5. This was great. Not totally absurd; but I would add to the list those “baby nursing curtain things” it’s like an apron you put around your neck to hide the fact that your nursing your baby. Totally useless!

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