When registering for my baby shower, I was completely overwhelmed by the amount of stuff my baby “needed.” Sure she would need a place to sleep and some clothes, but did she really need a newborn robe? Was she going to be lounging around post-bath until I dressed her? Wouldn’t a towel do the trick … better?
Navigating the world of all things baby can difficult! But I can promise you the following 7 things have no place on your registry!
Penguin Urinal
Potty training is hard enough without bringing a urinal into the picture, much less one that resembles a character off a cartoon you might see on television (take THAT Mr. Penguin!). Just stick with the traditional cheerios and rewards chart and you’ll be fine. (And in case you’re wondering, urinal cakes sold separately, folks.)
Buster Vacuum Cleaner
Move over Roomba, there’s a new hands free vacuum in town and this one doubles as a kids ride on toy! Susie will love riding her new “bike” over dustballs!
Ultra-light Wireless Baby Infants Diaper Poop Wet Enuresis Alarm
Have a bad sense of smell? Can’t be bothered to check Little Johnny’s diaper every once in awhile? Never fear, a poop alarm is here! One beep for “number 2,” and 2-3 beeps for “number 1.” Just don’t confuse it with your washing machine telling you it’s time to put the clean load in the dryer. And the good news is, it can be used for grandma’s “body-inconvenience” problems too! Hooray!
Baby Bangs
Raise your hand if you have a bald baby girl! I know you are sick and tired of your precious daughter being mistaken for a boy. Give her some baby bangs to ensure she is never again mistaken for a real life Caillou. Also, be sure to have a good story for telling your friends and family how your little Miss sprouted her new, longer locks overnight.
The Babykeeper Basic
A baby bathroom harness will allow you to hang your child from the stall door while you do your business! Heck, you could probably even hang your little one somewhere in your home while you vacuumed … just don’t forget which door you left her dangling from.
Kaloo Blue Perfume without Alcohol for Babies
Babies have their own naturally intoxicating scent, but if you are the one person on earth offended by the smell of sweet baby heads you can cover it up with perfume!
Baby Lasso
This harness is supposed to help you reduce baby’s movement and allow you two hands to change baby’s diaper … perfect for the “energetic” baby. But what about that foot placement right on the milk bags? And the positioning puts you in the direct path of unsuspecting mid-change bowel movements? All while you are wrangled around the neck at the mercy of your feisty baby’s leg movements?!? Looks like a recipe for disaster!
This was the funniest thing I have read in a long time! Omg! I managed to have 2 kids without mentioned “necessities”..don’t know how I ever survived! My favorite is hands down the diaper alarm!
Hilda, I’m not sure how I survived either! Glad you enjoyed it 🙂
It is already bad enough that companies make diapers with the line that changes color when wet, which to me is for lazy parents. Now there is a diaper alarm? *facepalm*
Hahaha! Omg, this was hysterical! Although I could have used one of those bathroom baby hanger-uppers. Hanging onto squirmy babies while trying to relieve ones self is not the most convenient task. I totally would have used that!
The lasso one was so much fun to read. Foot placement on the milk bags!!! Ahhhhhahahaha!
I can’t imagine why the company of these said items created this useless baby products. As a mom, I only needed some basic stuff for my baby. And oh, baby might fall using that babykeeper basic. Instead of making parenting easier, these items will make it tougher for us and harmful to our kids.
Shannon, I would love to sit in on these companies brainstorming meetings! Such silly products!
Awesome! Got an idea on what gift to buy for my niece now. Thanks for this!
This was great. Not totally absurd; but I would add to the list those “baby nursing curtain things” it’s like an apron you put around your neck to hide the fact that your nursing your baby. Totally useless!