I’m in the middle of my second pregnancy and so far it’s has been pretty easy compared to the first one, which is a pleasant surprise for me. We are so excited to add another member to our family, and we have many friends and family who want to celebrate with us, so of course, we are planning on having a baby shower. (Well, a few of my friends are throwing a baby shower in my honor.)
While for me, a baby shower seems like a no-brainer, I know there are a lot of people out there who would immediately respond, “No! It’s just not what you do,” or “It’s not appropriate to have a second (or third or fourth, etc.) shower,” or “You can have a ‘sprinkle’ instead.”
But really, why not have a full-on shower, with games and gifts and food and decorations?
If I’ve learned anything from majoring in anthropology, it’s that societal norms are just ideas that the majority of culture has agreed on, but they don’t make something right or wrong. Cultural relativism is an important idea in anthropology; it is the principle that an individual human’s beliefs and activities should be understood by others in terms of that individual’s own culture. Basically, you can’t judge something another person does as wrong just because it’s not something you would normally do. It’s just different.
Well, what does cultural relativism have to do with baby showers?
Baby showers as we know them today are a relatively new invention; they’re the norm in America, but not really anywhere else. After WWII, the baby boomer era coincided with the consumer culture of the 1950s and 1960s to create this perfect storm of “showering” the mother-to-be with the material goods needed to transform her from a woman to a mother. But before this, and in much of the rest of the world presently, babies (and motherhood) were not celebrated until after the baby had been born.
Even people in the United Kingdom and Western Europe (the cultures closest to our own) don’t usually celebrate a baby until after he or she is born, most commonly at a baptism ceremony. Canada, Bangladesh, Brazil, Iran, South Africa, and certain regions of India are some of the few countries that have some sort of celebration before the baby is born. So already, the idea of a baby shower has changed over time and depends on your background and culture.
That brings us to America (the great cultural melting pot), where up until the last decade or so, the norm has been for mothers to get one baby shower for their first baby, and that’s it. Recently, “sprinkles” have come around as a low-key alternative to baby showers for subsequent siblings. All the ones I have attended have had fewer guests, and diapers and wipes as the main gifts. Guests often buy their own meals (when the celebration is at a restaurant) or bring a small dish to share with everyone.
Honestly, sprinkles are great for pregnant moms who want to keep things small, or who really don’t need many new items for baby. Even more recently, moms have begun having regular baby showers for every pregnancy. I know many people say this option is okay if it’s been a few years, or if the baby is a different gender than the first, or if this baby is a complete surprise and the family already got rid of all the baby items from the previous children. But why is a baby shower or sprinkle only okay for these instances? Because that is what is normal? Or because that is what is expected?
The key here is that as a pregnant woman, WHATEVER YOU WANT IS OKAY!
Do you think that every baby should be celebrated, no matter the birth order? Do you love baby shower games and want to play them again? Would you rather use this as an excuse to go out to eat with your friends without your other children in tow? Would you rather skip the baby shower thing entirely? Whatever you want is okay! It is your pregnancy and your baby.
Don’t feel guilty about wanting a baby shower. You may be surprised by the people in your life who would love to throw you one, but don’t know how you feel about the subject. Be honest with a close friend or family member once you figure out what you want. This will probably be the last time you get to party with your friends before this baby arrives, so live it up!
