Advice & Insight Into Fatherhood {From Local Dads}

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Advice & Insight Into Fatherhood {From Local Dads} | Columbia SC Moms BlogBeing a dad is HARD WORK. There is no manual. No instruction book. And the challenges dads face can be uniquely different from those we experience as mothers.

If there is anything we have learned as moms, and as a mothering website, is there is value in leaning on and hearing from individuals in our community who face the same challenges as we do – raising children to the best of our ability.

In honor of Father’s Day, we polled several of the husbands in our contributors’ lives to hear their perspectives. An in-depth look at parenting from a father’s standpoint, and what that means to him and his family as a whole.

So sit back, pay attention, and share with the special dad in your family’s life! Happy Father’s Day to all the father figures out there – we appreciate you and the impact you’re making on our children!  


Robert Gunning V (spouse of contributor Hannah Gunning)

Q: What has been the most rewarding aspect of fatherhood?

“Seeing yourself in your children from things you’ve taught them, traits passed down from you, or bad habits they’ve picked up by watching you.”

Q: What do you really want for Father’s Day?

“Relaxing with a big bowl of ice cream; not much different from what I want at the end of every day.”

Q: What are some of the challenges you face with fatherhood?

“1) Balancing my home life along with my work and travel schedule has been difficult since becoming a father. 2) Having my kids ask my wife for help to open a tightly closed jar when she’s in another room of the house and I’m standing next to them.”

Q: What do you love most about your partner since becoming parents?

“I love watching my wife not only champion the role of being a mother but also fight back against whatever life throws at her. It takes a strong person inside and out to be able to get up every day and consistently work hard for everyone else’s needs while placing her own needs second.”

Q: What has been a challenge for you and your partner since becoming parents?

“It has been a challenge to go through the passing of my wife’s mother at such a young age. We knew it was going to be difficult for my wife grieving her mother, but what we were not prepared for is the grief your child goes through for her very close grandmother.”

Q: What advice would you give other dads?

“Don’t bark commands at your child from a couch. Stand up and meet your child where they are and talk calmly. 1) It’ll help add to your total Fitbit steps for the day, 2) you’ll save your voice, and 3) your child won’t yell back.”

Q: What was the best piece of advice you got when becoming a dad?

“New fathers, you will not break your child. Little babies are delicate but resilient. What’s not resilient are children’s feelings. Always be mindful of your child speaking to you and respecting them as a person. What you put into your child when they are young will return back to you when they are older.”

Q: What do you feel is uniquely great about being a dad?

“Dads are usually physically the strongest and sometimes the tallest in the home. Having your child come to you for something they can’t reach or need help lifting makes us feel like a superhero. Wear that worn out Superman t-shirt proudly!”


Chris Moore (spouse of contributor Brooke Moore)

Q: What has been the most rewarding aspect of fatherhood?

Being called daddy

Q: What do you really want for Father’s Day?

“Nothing”

Q: What are some of the challenges you face with fatherhood?

“Raising my kids right”

Q: What do you love most about your partner since becoming parents?

“Giving advice on parenting”

Q: What has been a challenge for you and your partner since becoming parents?

“Alone time”

Q: What advice would you give other dads?

“Do your best at raising kids that’s all we as dads can do.”

Q: What was the best piece of advice you got when becoming a dad?

“Raise your son like your dad raised you”

Q: What do you feel is uniquely great about being a dad?

“Being called daddy for the rest of my life”


Brett Shofner (spouse of contributor Carey Shofner)

Q: What has been the most rewarding aspect of fatherhood?

Seeing our son smile at us or laugh at something we do makes me happier than I ever thought was possible

Q: What do you really want for Father’s Day?

“To sleep in”

Q: What are some of the challenges you face with fatherhood?

“Time management. Prioritizing things and setting up a daily routine has worked wonders.”

Q: What do you love most about your partner since becoming parents?

“Everything. She’s always been amazing, and seeing her with our son has just magnified that.”

Q: What has been a challenge for you and your partner since becoming parents?

“Communication (mostly on my part).  Now that we have a baby we need to take extra care to make sure we are always on the same page.”

Q: What advice would you give other dads?

“Stay strong. It can be frustrating at times but just keep reminding yourself that this little baby doesn’t know any better and is relying on you to be level-headed and to help them through this tough time.”

Q: What was the best piece of advice you got when becoming a dad?

“My mom always told me “this too shall pass.” No matter how bad things may seem in the moment, it is only temporary.”

Q: What do you feel is uniquely great about being a dad?

“The joy I feel because of this little guy is like nothing else.”


Bryan Starbuck (spouse of contributor Brandi’ Starbuck)

Q: What has been the most rewarding aspect of fatherhood?

Playing with my kids and hearing them laughing until they cry. True happiness.

Q: What do you really want for Father’s Day?

“Just time with my family.”

Q: What are some of the challenges you face with fatherhood?

“Not having as much patience as their mother.”

Q: What do you love most about your partner since becoming parents?

“How much she loves the kids and how she cares for them.”

Q: What has been a challenge for you and your partner since becoming parents?

“Making time for ourselves”

Q: What advice would you give other dads?

“Schedule a babysitter and take your wife out on a date!”

Q: What was the best piece of advice you got when becoming a dad?

“Put yourself in your wife’s shoes”

Q: What do you feel is uniquely great about being a dad?

“How I get to be the fun parent that the kids are so excited to play with.”


Ken Calcutt (spouse of contributor Missey Calcutt)

Q: What has been the most rewarding aspect of fatherhood?

“Investing my life in someone else. Something that has eternal significance. And watching God work in their lives to grow them to who He wants them to be.

Q: What do you really want for Father’s Day?

“Time with the kids/family. Maybe a nap :)”

Q: What are some of the challenges you face with fatherhood?

“Time. Prioritizing family time versus work. Also, pointing our kids towards Jesus in a culture that tries to pull them away from Jesus every day.”

Q: What do you love most about your partner since becoming parents?

“Her selflessness. She has basically put aside her life and her goals for our family and become an example of how to live for others. She’s amazing!”

Q: What has been a challenge for you and your partner since becoming parents?

“Keeping our marriage a priority is difficult with the scheduling demands of work and kids.”

Q: What advice would you give other dads?

“Being a good father is the second hardest thing you’ll do behind being a good husband. But it’s worth it. No one ever said it would be easy. ”

Q: What was the best piece of advice you got when becoming a dad?

“It may not seem like it at first, but the years go by quickly. Slow down and enjoy every day even in the middle of the chaos.”

Q: What do you feel is uniquely great about being a dad?

“It gives me a greater understanding and appreciation of who God is. The love a father has for a child can’t be explained, it could only be experienced. In light of that love, it helps me better understand the sacrifice God made for us in Jesus and the depth of the love he has for us that motivated him to make that sacrifice.”


Chad White (spouse of contributor Ashley Byrd-White)

Q: What has been the most rewarding aspect of fatherhood?

Watching this little person that you helped create learn and grow on a daily basis. There are major milestones like learning to walk but everyday there are new little things that your child does and it is an amazing experience to watch and be a part of that.

Q: What do you really want for Father’s Day?

“It is always nice to have a relaxing day since those are rare as a parent but really to just have fun with my family.”

Q: What are some of the challenges you face with fatherhood?

“Starting out I think it is tough for dads to connect with their baby. While there are plenty of things to do to help out, a baby is so reliant on the mother that there is an immediate connection between mom and child that doesn’t happen right away for dads. That passes and the biggest challenge becomes “the balancing act,” such as trying to balance your relationships and responsibilities. Also trying to balance the freedom you give your child to learn and grow on their own and the protection you provide. As a middle school teacher the toughest challenge I see parents struggling with today is raising a child to become a responsible and independent adult. The balance we maintain between freedom to learn and protection has a big impact on that.”

Q: What do you love most about your partner since becoming parents?

“Well first I just love my wife more than ever. Witnessing the miracle and struggle of just giving birth to our child led me to a whole new level of respect and love for my wife. I love watching the natural ability of her suddenly becoming a mother. The dedication, selflessness, and awareness of always knowing what to do without a handbook from day 1 is amazing.”

Q: What has been a challenge for you and your partner since becoming parents?

“I think what every parent struggles with, spending quality together.”

Q: What advice would you give other dads?

“Don’t let past stereotypes of what it means to be a dad get in the way of having fun with your child; from a young age we are taught that parenting is a feminine characteristic/job when a boy is pushed towards playing with action figures and girls are given baby dolls. Be in the moment with your kid and appreciate the world around you from their eyes. Things that we take for granted suddenly can be quite amazing when we look at them through the eyes of a child.”

Q: What was the best piece of advice you got when becoming a dad?

“A happy wife equals a happy life. There really is nothing that can prepare your for becoming a parent. Even if you are warned a million times about something before your child is born it still surprises you when it actually happens after you become a parent. Plus every kid is different so some advice works, some doesn’t. But no matter what, if you are supportive of your wife, if parenting truly is a partnership, and you spend quality time together then life will be a lot easier.”

Q: What do you feel is uniquely great about being a dad?

“Moms have that natural bond with their child which really is an amazing thing. As a dad though when you work so hard to form that bond of unconditional love with your son/daughter it really takes on a special meaning for you as a father.”


Darin Freeburg (spouse of contributor Lisa Freeburg)

Q: What has been the most rewarding aspect of fatherhood?

Hugs

Q: What do you really want for Father’s Day?

A new TV

Q: What are some of the challenges you face with fatherhood?

Confidence

Q: What do you love most about your partner since becoming parents?

Her tremendous capacity for love and care

Q: What has been a challenge for you and your partner since becoming parents?

Alone time

Q: What advice would you give other dads?

Winging it is sort of the point…but inform yourself on the basic stuff (diapers and pony tails)

Q: What was the best piece of advice you got when becoming a dad?

Don’t drop her

Q: What do you feel is uniquely great about being a dad?

You become one of the most important people in the world to another human instantaneously. How freakin cool is that?!


Eric Bothur (spouse of contributor Kristi Bothur)

Q: What has been the most rewarding aspect of fatherhood?

Spending time with my children and watching them explore, learn, and grow. We have lots of fun together as a family.

Q: What do you really want for Father’s Day?

Nothing – just time with my family, there is nothing that is more important.

Q: What are some of the challenges you face with fatherhood?

Having enough time to teach and spend with the children. There are so many competing demands in life today.

Q: What do you love most about your partner since becoming parents?

I really enjoy seeing her love and care for the children. It has made us both better people and more thankful for all that we have. It is also great to see her teaching them.

Q: What has been a challenge for you and your partner since becoming parents?

Time is the greatest challenge. There are so many demands today, and we want family to come first. We have to work hard to achieve that.

Q: What advice would you give other dads?

Spend as much time as you can with your children. Each little thing to you, may be a big deal to them. Those little moments you spend together are some of the things they will remember for a lifetime. Cherish each minute and record them in some way for them to remember. Also, be sure to lead them to God. We cannot just tell them about God or take them to church. We need to live it out. Our example and devotion is what they will see and they get a good picture of God by the way we interact with them. Read the Bible and learn about God together. It benefits the whole family and will draw everyone closer together.

Q: What was the best piece of advice you got when becoming a dad?

The same advice I am passing on. Enjoy each moment. They grow up too fast!

Q: What do you feel is uniquely great about being a dad?

The chance to see the daily growth in your children and to walk through life together. I have never experienced so much love and devotion. That is what I constantly I receive from my children. It really makes me feel special and loved.


Thankful for these guys for sharing their open and candid responses and for all they do every day! Happy Father’s Day!

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Ashley Byrd-White
Ashley Byrd-White identifies as a Yankee-Carolinian who was born and raised in the tundra of Upstate, New York but currently calls the Midlands her home. She began her professional career in Buffalo, NY in higher education. She continues her dedication to education at USC working full-time as a Career Development Coach to college students. She currently holds a BA in psychology and an Ed.M. in higher education administration. Moving to Columbia, SC 4 years ago so her husband could pursue his teaching career was the most challenging time in her life … until motherhood! She has been together with her high school sweetheart husband, Chad, for 13 years (married for nearly 4). Ashley is a first-time mom as of February 2016 to Oliver. She loves being a mom, is proud of her continuing breastfeeding journey, and is thankful for her mama tribe. Ashley enjoys spending time with her family, drinking coffee and wine, pinning crafts she will never have time to create, and making her son laugh.

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