While I was pregnant with my daughter, I realized I was not like all the other pregnant ladies who came into the office. Because I was over the age of 35 (I was 37 when she was born), I was what they delicately referred to as AMA. Advanced maternal age. Older than the average pregnant woman.
When I was in school, “advanced” was a good thing, but I soon learned it was not so great in the world of expecting a baby. AMA meant my baby could be at risk for different chromosomal abnormalities, and I was at risk for preterm labor, gestational diabetes, and a number of other problems which made me anxious.
AMA also meant, supposedly, the road ahead would be more challenging – giving birth would be harder, keeping up with little ones would be harder, living with less sleep would be harder, being in my sixties (or even seventies?) when my grandchildren are born will be harder…
But I am getting ahead of myself.
At 37, I didn’t feel “advanced” (although I will admit when my son was born, I was 41 and did feel a bit more AMA than when his sister was a baby).
All things being equal, I would have loved to become a mother to my children in my twenties, but that is not the path God put me on. As ready as I thought I was for a family right after college, I didn’t have anyone to settle down with at that point. Instead, I spent my twenties teaching around the globe and pursuing my education. I didn’t meet the man of my dreams until I was nearly thirty and then pregnancy did not come quickly. After the birth of my daughter, we lost three babies during pregnancy and so I was in my forties when my son was born. C’est la vie.
Over the course of this journey, I’ve begun to appreciate the benefits of being AMA. If you also began the motherhood journey on the late side, or began early but are having more children in your AMA years, see if any of these resonate in your heart:
- More ultrasounds. Okay, this is a basic one, but when I was pregnant, I liked seeing pictures of my baby. Trouble is, insurance only covers so many…unless you’re AMA and then there are more medically accepted reasons to have them performed. I have lots and lots of ultrasound pictures, including of my babies who didn’t make it, and I treasure them greatly.
- More comfortable in my skin. I have noticed this feeling especially since turning forty. Something happened with that birthday – I stopped worrying so much about what other people thought of me and became more comfortable with who I am. Which leads to my next AMA bonus…
- More confident as a parent. Because I am more comfortable with me, I am more confident in lots of ways, including parenting. That doesn’t mean I always know what I am doing. But the things I do know, I don’t second guess myself as much as I would have when I was younger, and the things I don’t know, I don’t mind asking for advice.
- More life experience in general. I’ve experienced a lot in the years leading up to my role as mommy. It helps that I know a lot about how to live and don’t need to figure out that part of my life at the same time I’m learning how to be a mom. It also gives me fun stories to share with my kids, like the time I climbed the Great Wall or visited the Sea of Galilee before I got married.
- Everyone thinks I am younger than I am. People see me with my kids and they automatically peg me for a mom in her thirties (which is just fine with me).
- Opportunity to encourage others. I’ve been encouraged by lots of people who told me, “My [aunt, grandmother, mother, friend] had a baby in her forties.” And now I can be the [aunt, grandmother, mother, friend] whose story encourages someone else – maybe even through this post!
If you are AMA and facing motherhood for the first time, here are a few things to do or keep in mind for the journey ahead:
- Don’t be stressed out by the statistics. You are not a statistic. You are an individual.
- Find a doctor who is relaxed about your AMA status. Mine were, and it went a long way in putting my mind at ease.
- Find a fellow AMA buddy. It helps to have a mom friend who remembers the same musical groups as you.
- Take care of yourself. It is harder physically to go through pregnancy, childbirth, and keeping up with little ones when you are 38 than when you are 28. Fact of life. So watch your diet, stay active, drink enough water, get as much sleep as you can (especially before you give birth!).
- Enjoy the ride! Yes, you will be attending PTA meetings when some of your peers are enjoying an empty nest…but the years ahead will be some of the most rewarding you have ever known. You aren’t missing out, just enjoying life in a different order than the average mother. You have so much to offer to your children. Have fun!
I can relate to this post on many levels. I married my husband at the age of 21, but he is a military man and we wanted to be a bit more settled before having children. Little did we know that “our” plan wouldn’t come together like we thought. We experienced years of infertility, pregnancy loss and failed adoption. I was 38 years old when our twins were born, our first and only children.
I too, am greatful for the ultrasounds of my heavenly babies. The frequent ultrasounds caught a problem with one of my boys and saved his life. So, there are absolutely perks to being labeled AMA! 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story, Kimberly! What a blessing your boys are! If you are in Columbia, I would love to connect with you through our Naomi’s Circle ministry (www.naomiscircle.org). We meet monthly to encourage one another in our journeys of pregnancy loss and pregnancy/parenting after loss. Please contact me through naomiscircle (at) gmail (dot) com for more information!
I can identify….almost. I was 45 when I had our daughter. I has been a wonderful journey. I also have a friend that gave birth to triplets at 49. Our children were born a month apart. We are younger than friends that had children in their twenties. It has been wonderful!
I think its a huge advantage to have children when you are older. Older parents are usually more financially stable. I had a child at 42. I am glad and wouldn’t have done it any other way. I see younger parents who are struggling financially, or still trying to “find themselves” in the world, while trying to raise children. I don’t envy them at all.
Kristi, I could have written this! I’ve said many of those things myself. Only difference for me is that I was the only one worried about my AMA. When I called to make my first OB visit with my first pregnancy I mentioned my age. The nurse laughed and said, “Honey, you live in Boston! 37 is young!”
I was 22 then 26 when I had my first two daughters. Fast forward almost 13 years and I gave birth to my son at 38 and my youngest daughter at 40. Having been blessed to experience both ends of the parenting age spectrum I love who I was learning to become with the first two and the confidence I have with the “babies” (who are now 11 and 13).