My children will never get to meet their Grandpa Bob in person. He died very suddenly when my husband, Jonathan, was only 11 years old, under very tragic circumstances. I was never able to meet him either.
One day, after my husband and I had been dating a few months, we were driving past the cemetery where his father was buried and he said, “Hi, Dad! This is Barbara, and I love her.” I knew then it was important to keep his father in our lives, even if he was not physically present.
At our wedding, we lit a candle in front of a tree-shaped frame with photos of loved ones who were there in spirit. His dad was there, watching over us.
I want my children to know and love their Grandpa Bob, even though they will never be able to meet him during their time here on earth. They are blessed to have five grandmothers living (2 grandmothers and 3 great-grandmothers) and their maternal grandfather, affectionately referred to as “Pappy” by our 2-year-old.
No one is replaceable, though, and the presence of other grandparents does not make up for the fact that my husband’s father is not here to see the amazing man and father his son has become. Bob’s grandkids will not know anything about him without our help.
Here are a few of the ideas and ways we have come up with to honor Robert Reggio.
- We used his name for our son’s middle name. Honoring a deceased relative by name is a great way to remember them and ensure your child will someday ask about that person when they learn the origins of their name. I suspect Asher Robert has inherited his grandfather’s math and poetry skills.
- Share anecdotes of their life and your relationship with them, and then go to the places where the stories took place. I have asked Jonathan to tell our children stories about growing up on Long Island with his dad. When we go to New York, we will go to the pizza parlor where they frequently ate together and with extended family (Umberto’s of New Hyde Park). There, we will share stories over pizza, breaking bread New York Italian style.
- Show and tell. Bob had been a mathematics teacher, and we do have a copy of the yearbook from the high school where he had been teaching the year he passed. There is a memorial page dedicated to him. When our children are old enough to read books without ripping them, we will show them this yearbook, and eventually pass it down. We also plan to make photo collages and put them up in our home once we finally finish unpacking (We’ve been here a year and haven’t finished unpacking? Please tell me we aren’t the only ones!)
Are your children missing grandparents in heaven? Please share how you plan to honor them and share their lives with your children!
Thank you for this post, Barbara. I love the Tree of Life tribute at your wedding. My father suddenly passed away when I was seven months pregnant with my first child. My son has my father’s middle name, and we have photos and things my dad made around the house. I am hoping that my son will know and love his maternal grandfather, the way I loved mine, despite never having met him.