Dear Santa … Love, Mom

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“Santa Claus had not given (Pa and Ma) anything at all. Santa Claus did not give grown people presents, but that was not because they had not been good. Pa and Ma were good. It was because they were grown up, and grown people must give each other presents.”

— Laura Ingalls Wilder, Little House in the Big Woods

 Dear Santa ...

If Santa Claus is coming to your house tonight, your kids’ excitement is likely at fever pitch. Their dreams will be filled with visions of sugarplums — or a Frozen doll or a Skylanders set. This year — maybe next year too, maybe not — they have complete confidence that Santa will come through for them, that he’ll bring them that special gift.

As for us moms and dads? Well, we get nice things too. But what if just for once, Santa brought us our greatest wish? The contributors behind Columbia SC Moms Blog wrote our own letter to Santa (and Hanukkah Joe), and here’s what we’d like to find in our stockings.

Food, Glorious Food

  • A meal in a restaurant that doesn’t have a kids’ menu.
  • An unlimited supply of Trader Joe’s red curry sauce.
  • A “get out of carbs free” pass … just until January!
  • To drink like we’re in college again — no hangovers!
  • Lifetime, limitless gift certificates to Whole Foods. Or the Good Life Cafe. Or both.

Body by Baby

santa
Santa, am I on that list?
  • The body I had 10 years ago, when I thought I was so fat.
  • My pre-baby boobs.
  • A stomach that doesn’t look like there’s a baby still in it (my kid is almost 3!).
  • Defined triceps.
  • My old pelvic floor.
  • I want the tales about “breastfeeding burns so many calories!” to have been true. I should be a twig by now.

Entertainment Today

  • To never have to sing the ABC’s again.
  • I want to listen to LL Cool J’s greatest hits … in my house … out loud. The uncensored version.
  • Unlimited Netflix streaming.
  • Sex that isn’t to the rhythm of a Baby Einstein toy.
  • A toddler who will actually play by himself.

Breaking the Laws of Physics

  • A device that would transfer some of my kid’s energy to me. I just want a level playing field.
  • A 48-hour day.
  • Telekinesis would come in handy!

What Not to Wear

  • A wardrobe that doesn’t look like a hobo’s. (I refuse to buy new clothes until I lose the baby weight, but …)
  • Shoes to fit my postpartum feet.
  • Pairs for all the socks in my house.
  • Pants to fit my post-baby waist — and I don’t mean maternity pants!

Healthy, Wealthy and Wise

  • To escape flu season unscathed!
  • Someone to take care of me when I’m sick … it’s always the other way around.
  • A money tree.
  • A book contract.
  • A fat bank account and a thin body — Santa, don’t mix those up!
  • A mysterious donor to pay off my credit cards.

One Fine Day …

  • … where I don’t have to worry about anyone’s poop but my own.
  • … where no one touches me.
  • … alone in a secluded location. Actually, make that a week.

And Oh Yes, Sleep

  • More than three hours of sleep each night.
  • Being able to sleep more than two hours without getting up to pee (pregnancy bladder is the worst).
  • A day to sleep in that doesn’t involve being woken up by a preschooler jumping on my chest.

 

What’s your greatest holiday wish? Share in the comments.

Photo: kevin dooley / DecorLove / CC BY

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