You’re burned out. The kids called your name about 3 trillion times in the last four days. Your husband, as sweet as he is, continues to load the dishwasher haphazardly wasting resources. The job is driving you nuts. You still have soccer games, that second job, and two kids’ birthday parties in the same day. How did you manage to doublebook? Does it sound like it’s time for a break? I would say so. You deserve it. It’s time to escape reality and let your hair down. It’s time to call… your girlfriends, silly!
I hope you’re not confused by the title. I am not telling you to engage in any funny business! But what I am telling you is to continually engage in the healthy friendships that give you the foundation you need to make it from day to day. I’m here to tell you: don’t forget where you came from. It’s unfair to leave an old friend hanging because you were taught not to spend time with someone who doesn’t “understand” your new life. There are several ways your friendship with your faithful friends whether they are single, childless, single and childless, or whatever! Here are a few ideas.
Stay in Touch!
I have a handful of amazingly talented, smart, fun, loving friends. They make me laugh and listen to me cry. We pray and encourage one another. And they’re always ready to give thoughtful feedback. I feel comfortable and heard when we talk every day. Every day? You may be wondering how we do that, especially since we live in at least three different states! Well, I had to give in to downloading yet another app on my phone, no matter how much Apple tells me about storage I don’t have. Marco Polo is an app that acts like a walkie talkie, except it sends video messages. One day, one of the ladies told us we absolutely had to try it. When I gave in, I loved it! It’s definitely an upgrade from a group text chat; sometimes, I need the girls to see my face when I respond to something silly they said. I recommend it for anyone who has a loved one who isn’t close by. It is a great tool for me to peek into their lives all day. It’s like they’re here with me. I don’t miss them as much because the app is fun to use too; so I’m more inclined to check in. And we don’t miss a beat. Our kids say silly things to each other too! We have to be intentional, folks. Make the time to talk to your friends regularly.
Share the Good and the Bad
When I’m checking in with the girls, I make a point to give updates on certain things. We know what’s happening with each other so we can know how to pray for one another. Thus, in addition to the time you check in, the content matters. The contact has to count. There are times when we will admit we held something back because we all had such good things going on. This could be for a number of reasons. Maybe you don’t want to feel judged. You may think you’re bringing the party down. Reality shows us hard times are inevitable! So encourage your friends to share the bad too. If we only shared the amazing things, we wouldn’t know how to help each other when we need it.
Try Talking About Someone Other Than Yourself
Some of us have a tendency to use our friends for a sounding board only. This habit is not likely coming from an intentionally selfish place (or maybe it is, and that’s OK too). But it’s nice when you call a friend to ask how their day is going! Just like my last point, he or she may be hiding something because they believe it will be a bummer. Here’s your chance to give an out! I know it is a relief when someone says “I’ve been thinking of you, what’s going on in your world?” The more you keep in touch and make the conversations count, the more you’ll be able to pick up on those cues. There’s obviously nothing wrong with talking about yourself, but you also don’t want to be that friend who dominates the conversation about your woes. Then again, maybe you do…no judgment.
Get Your Family on Board
It’s important to be intentional. I live by my calendar; perhaps you should too, if you’re not already. It’s amazing how the months fly by when you look at weekends we have left in it! This point is about planning ahead. I’m a huge proponent of discussing things with your partner beforehand so you’re on the same page about when this important time with your friends can happen. This is your opportunity to model great time management, communication, and friendship for your family. The kids will appreciate learning how to make their pre-K friendships last by watching Mommy do her thing! Also, every date with your friends does not have to be a playdate! Our seven-year-old is well aware of the grown-up only events and it serves him well to see that Mommy has to take time for herself…same thing for my loving, understanding husband!
Remember that person who was there when you were freaking about the person you thought you would marry in college? Who was around when you lost that job? When you got that awesome new place? Keep them close. Too often, people forget to make time to nourish a good friendships because “I’m a mom, now”; that’s definitely a different blog for another day! I get it, our little people take a lot out of us. It’s so easy to find ourselves rolling with an entirely different circle as we allow them to participate in various activities. I think it’s great you found new friends who support you in the car pool and alternate snack duty for the t-ball games.
We can still be a good girlfriends when we’re married, with or without kids. It simply takes motivation and intention to take care of yourselves and the people who are there despite the seemingly impossible life changes that come with motherhood. If you’re blessed enough to have the same girlfriend since the 6th grade like I am, kudos to us! We’ve maintained this sisterhood because of these tips and more.
