I Loved Breastfeeding, Even Though It Kinda Sucked…

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    i loved breastfeeding even though it kinda sucked

    Nursing seems to be an all or nothing type of experience. Like skydiving. That’s right, nursing is like skydiving. You either do it or you don’t. Tackling it halfway and with lukewarm commitment just doesn’t work out.

    Much like skydiving, for me, nursing was full of surprises and filled with trepidation. Will this work out? Will I enjoy it? Am I even going to be able to do it? Oh s—, I am not ready for this yet! All things that run through every woman’s head when they are handed a parachute-er-newborn to feed for the very first time. And you know what? It is totally okay if tears of joy didn’t spill down your cheeks onto your new, super soft matching nursing gown and robe.

    Pretty much every single mother I knew or admired had suckled their babes, so I wanted to as well. I had support, advice, and encouragement. Well, that, and my Mom had been a La Leche League instructor in her younger years and nursed all of her six kids. I figured if I ever came up against an issue she couldn’t help me get through, than it would be some kind of sign from God that I should stop.

    So when it was finally my turn and I was face-to-face with my newborn, I pushed my trepidation aside and gave it my best shot. And you know what? A lot of those initial fears were nothing but that … just plain fears. Sure there were bumps along the way, but we worked through them. And despite my worries about how I would feel, I discovered right from the beginning I never really minded breastfeeding. I didn’t mind leaving the conversation at a party to find a quiet room to feed my munchkin. It didn’t bother me that my body was completely at the mercy of this tiny, cherub cheeked human that never seemed to leave my arms.

    I-Loved-Breastfeeding-Even-Though-It-Sucked

    But you know what I did mind? Breastmilk. Breastmilk everywhere. Milk running down my stomach because I was leaking out my nursing pads when I suddenly let down after hearing an infant crying in the next aisle over while shopping at Target for more nursing pads. Milk, sticky and drying between my fingers where it dribbled out of the baby’s half asleep mouth. Milk pooling around my ribs and soaking into the mattress if I slept a few hours too many. Milk staining my jeans, staining my shirts, and once, ruining a pair of really cute beige flats.

    I never got used to that. After nursing three kids, that annoyance of having every inch of me and my life invaded by breastmilk never faded. Of course it paled in comparison to other issues myself and so many other Moms experience. Engorgement, stretch marks, thrush, cracked nipples, clogged ducts, and the dreaded breast infection. I have had it all. Everything and beyond. But I kept at it. I made up my mind to breastfeed as long as I was still producing milk and my baby was still eating it.

    But the positives of the experience far exceeded the negatives. Bonding with baby? Awesome. That feeling of being completely and one hundred percent needed? Priceless. Staring into the trusting eyes of my beloved offspring while giving her only that which a mother can give? Unforgettable. The low price tag, help with weight loss, and 24 hour on the spot availability were all fantastic. I loved all that.

    But yes. Sometimes it really really sucked.

    I was thrilled to do it, but sometimes I groaned and bristled a bit after getting half naked for the umpteenth time in a day. It grew tiresome of wearing a bra 24/7 to support my ample bosom. And when I developed a yeast infection in my milk ducts and it started to feel like broken glass emitting from my nipples instead of breastmilk, then it really REALLY sucked.

    So why do we do it, Mommas? Because we can. Because it’s natural. Because there is nothing like it in the entire world. Because nothing can replicate that moment and that feeling between you and your baby. The pain and pinching. The biting and leaking. The exhaustion and sickness.

    All of it.

    I loved every minute. Even when it sucked.

    1 COMMENT

    1. That was beautiful, making me cry as I’m in my 3rd month with my 2nd child. The hardest is over now but when it was bad, it sucked!! So much work when u have a toddler too! But he is thriving & I wanna krep going, despite work & everything else. I am superwoman lol!! Totally relate to feeling like a slob, half naked with stains all over my clothes though.

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