Let’s Be Honest :: My Struggle With An Eating Disorder

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Let’s Be Honest :: My Struggle With an Eating Disorder | Columbia SC Moms BlogThis post is to raise awareness in honor of National Eating Disorder Week

I have struggled with my weight pretty much my entire life. It has gone up and down the scale like a roller coaster; ever changing. 

I was overweight when I was a child. Attribute it to not eating healthy, not enough exercise, too much screen time, family genes or what have you, but I was overweight. And I knew it. It left me feeling self-conscious around others. Always self-conscious. I was the awkward, overweight, self-conscious kid that got made fun of by others at school. 

As I got older, things didn’t change much. I was bigger than most of the other girls at school and constantly felt left out and as if everyone thought I was ugly. I can still remember being in fifth grade and overhearing the other girls in my class making fun of me as they were looking at my picture in the yearbook. 

High school was much of the same. I hated it. My weight went up and down and I never felt like I was pretty enough. I played sports in but it never seemed to help me lose any weight. I always felt like I’d never have a boyfriend because I was too fat. There were many occasions where I’d go into the bathroom at home and sit in front of the toilet trying to make myself throw up. Problem was, I hated throwing up and I wasn’t any good at making myself do it anyway. So I’d resign myself to trying to eat less and see what happened. Never helped. I’d lose some weight but it’d come back on when I’d eat again. 

In college, I decided I was going to take control. I started exercising and went on the Slim Fast diet. I was determined to lose weight. And I finally did. I lost weight and people noticed and it made me feel good about myself. I finally felt a little better about my weight and how I looked. There were boys who noticed me and asked me out. But, things changed again not long after.

My Downward Spiral

I later found myself in my mid 20’s, stuck at a dead end job I hated, no boyfriend, trying to figure out my next career move, and feeling lost. My self-confidence had been shattered and I felt like things in my life were out of my control. The only thing I could control was my weight. With as much as I went through in my life, I’m honestly not sure why it hadn’t happened before this point, but it was at this time in my life I became anorexic.  

Let’s Be Honest :: My Struggle With an Eating Disorder | Columbia SC Moms Blog

It began with me not eating as much. Then I would eat but take laxatives to get rid of it. At first, it was just a couple of times a week, but then it became every day. I became obsessed with exercising too. It was a perfect storm and I was in the middle of it.

Even though I knew it wasn’t the right way to diet, it made me feel good. I saw all the weight falling off, I was getting more attention from men, and got down to a size I had never been before. Yet still, I would constantly compare myself to others. Even though I was a lot smaller, I felt like I could lose more weight. There were people who made concerned comments to me about me looking sick and anorexic, but I didn’t care. I wanted to keep going. 

Then I started dating my husband. One night we went to a movie and he made a comment about one of the actresses and how good she looked. I lost it. Completely. After the movie, we ended up spending the better part of an hour talking in his truck until I finally told him about my weight struggle and what I was doing. He was, of course, devastated. But most of all, he was encouraging and determined to get me better. He helped me start my journey back to health. I soon started eating again, stopped using the laxatives, and began to become healthy. It was a long journey, but I got there. 

Warning Signs of an Eating Disorder

If you have a young girl (or even a friend who is a little older) who you fear may have an eating disorder (or is headed in that direction), check for these warning signs:

  1. Dramatic weight loss
  2. Preoccupied with weight, food, calories, fat grams, and dieting
  3. Makes frequent comments about feeling “fat” or overweight despite weight loss
  4. Complains of constipation, abdominal pain, cold intolerance, lethargy, and/or excess energy
  5. Denies feeling hungry
  6. Develops food rituals (e.g., eating foods in certain orders, excessive chewing, rearranging food on a plate)
  7. Cooks meals for others without eating
  8. Consistently makes excuses to avoid mealtimes or situations involving food
  9. Has disturbed experience of body weight or shape, undue influence of weight or shape on self-evaluation, or denial of the seriousness of low body weight
  10. Postpuberty female loses menstrual period

I was fortunate to have people in my life who cared for me and caught me early enough that I could recover. But many young girls and women become so much more unhealthy than I was and even die from an eating disorder. That’s why it’s very important to pay attention to our daughters, nieces, and other young women in our lives to see if they display any of the above warning signs and others. Catching it early is a large key in the path to recovery. 

If you have a loved one you feel may be struggling with an eating disorder, please don’t wait; seek medical attention and get them help. For more information on eating disorders check the website for National Eating Disorders

** This is the third installment in my Let’s Be Honest series. Check HERE and HERE for the first two installments.**

Have you or someone you know struggled with an eating disorder?

2 COMMENTS

    • Thank you for your kind words! I am happy to share my story if it means others will benefit from it and get the help they need.

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