You see her standing there, yoga pants and messy bun. She looks friendly and you want to say hi, but you’re not sure how. Her daughter runs by you and you think, “She’s just a little younger than my daughter.” She runs up the ladder to the slide and your daughter catches up to her.
“They seem to be playing along well… Maybe the mom might be great too.”
I don’t know about you, but meeting new mom friends is hard. Between the hours we spend at home, regimented nap times and time needed for errands, we don’t always get a chance to meet new people or hang out with the people we do know. Add in there an introverted personality and I don’t know how I have any Facebook friends at all.
But Facebook friends all have jobs, so I’m forced to make new friends. Mom friends.
Not that mom friends are bad – they’re great. Finding the perfect mom friend means she knows you better than you know yourself. She doesn’t care what you look like, if your child is naked and smeared in peanut butter for some unknown reason, or if your house looks like a CSI re-run. She knows your perfect pick-me-up, your breaking point, and your doctor’s appointment schedules. But how do you meet someone like that?
This 4 step program, when used correctly, will get you ready to go on your first playdate.
Step 1: Start with a Great Pick-Up Line
Moms love to be complimented on what matters most to them – their kids.
“She’s so adorable!”
“He’s being so friendly – thanks for letting him play with my daughter!”
“I love her dress – where did you get that??”
“They’re playing so well together! He’s very helpful.”
By sending out a well meaning compliment, you have opened the door for more friendly, light conversation. Way to go – you’ve made it through the hardest step!
Step 2: Introducing Yourself (and Your Kids)
This is the easy step. Just say who you are. Ask her name, and ask about her kids. Tell a little about yourself. Ignore the urge to try to apologize for what you think is spit up on your shirt. And pants. Try to find some common ground.
Here are some great topic ideas to bring up:
– kids’ ages
– kids’ quirks
– your jobs
– your husbands’ jobs
– where she got those cute shoes
– your hobbies
Here are some inappropriate topics (proceed with caution if she brings up any of these first):
– any bodily fluids from anyone
– your thoughts or opinions on anything parenting related (babywearing, breastfeeding, public school, homeopathic remedies, etc)
– how great the daily baby sensory bins your full time nanny puts together are
– your ovulation schedule
Once you get some good conversation rolling, you can get an idea of if you two could actually be friends IRL.
Step 3: Seal the Deal
If your kids and her kids are still playing well together, congratulations – they made it 10 minutes without embarrassing themselves or you!
If you seem to be hitting it off, see what your potential new mom friend thinks about meeting back up for another play date. If she’s in, offer up your phone number, how to find you on Facebook, where to send a smoke signal – however you stay in touch. Then, leave as soon as it’s convenient because let’s face it – kids can only hold it together for so long.
Step 4: Perfecting the Follow Up
There is nothing worse than meeting someone and they immediately hound you (hello, introvert here!). When I do get excited to meet someone, I have a hard time finding a balance between “OMG WE’RE GONNA BE BEST FRIENDS 4EVER!” and “……’sup.” The best advice is to wait at least a day before trying to reach out to your potential bestie. When you do reach out, try something like:
“Hey! This is _____, we met at _______ yesterday! My kids and I had so much fun we wanted to see if you guys wanted to join us at _______ (place) at _____ (time). Just let me know if you guys are free!”
Not too suffocating, not too aloof. Just right.
If for some reason your new friend and you make it through the awkward first play dates, then you’re on your way to a new mom friend – and women in the trenches of motherhood are the best of friends. You might even find someone you will finally allow to share your secret stash of chocolate and wine.
