Miles from Mom :: Celebrating Mother’s Day From Afar

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    A reader wrote to us asking how to handle Mother’s Day when mom isn’t local:

    I would love to hear how moms handle Mother’s Day so that they incorporate their moms as well as their own time to be honored. Fitting Mom in when the travel is 30 minutes or less may be a different thing than when she is much further away. I want to honor my mom on that day; but for the first time, my family feels whole, and I want time to be with them at home, doing what we want to do.

    Even if you can't deliver them in person, it's hard to go wrong with flowers on Mother's Day.
    Even if you can’t deliver them in person, it’s hard to go wrong with flowers on Mother’s Day.

    First, I should admit I am very lucky that my mom really doesn’t care about Mother’s Day … or Christmas or her birthday or her anniversary, for that matter. She doesn’t need anything and she doesn’t want anything (besides an extra hour in the day for work and an extra day in the week to read).

    She knows that my brother and I love her, and on Mother’s Day that’s enough for her. She and my dad still live in my Illinois hometown, so a quick visit for brunch isn’t in the cards. But as long as I call her on Sunday, I’ll be in good shape.

    But that’s our family.

    Every family has its own traditions regarding Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, and every parent will have his or her own feelings about being the center of attention on “my special day.” And if your mother loves Mother’s Day and loves the spotlight, but she happens to live an hour or two away (or more), well … yep, you’re in a fix.

    Here’s the thing, though – Children grow up, and they have their own homes and their own families and their own lives. I hope that when my son is grown, I’ll have the grace to make room in my life for his choices. And if that means he spends Mother’s Day honoring his children’s mother instead of me? Well, that’ll be a sign that I raised him right.

    But your mother is still your mother, even when she’s a grandmother. Chances are, now that you’re raising your own children, you understand her and appreciate her even more. So it’s important to celebrate her motherhood, just as you celebrate your own.

    So, dear reader, my advice is this: Have the Mother’s Day you want, with the family you are currently a mother to. Find a way to honor your mom from afar. If a visit on Mother’s Day itself isn’t in the cards, could you plan something for later this month? (Depending on where she lives, a visit to cooler climes might be just the ticket.)

    A handwritten letter from you will make Mom's day -- and it only costs a stamp.
    A handwritten letter from you will make Mom’s day – and it only costs a stamp.

    Here are some ways to celebrate with your mother, even if the miles separate you:

    1. There’s still time to send her a little something, thanks to Amazon Prime and two-day shipping. (In some cities, they’ll even deliver on Sunday.) Set up a video call via Skype, and have her open the gift then, so you can see her reaction.
    2. Is there a special movie the two of you love? Make a date to watch it “together” Sunday afternoon. Keep your phone handy and synchronize your Play buttons; you can text or talk about the movie in real time from your own separate sofas.
    3. Traditional greeting cards are easy to send, but nothing beats your own words. Send your mom a handwritten letter, through the mail, telling her something you appreciate about her. Flowers fade and brunches are forgotten, but a letter from a child lasts forever – you know that better than anyone, right?
    4. You were going to call her anyway (right?), but you can make a phone call a bit more special. Set up a voice recorder (there are dozens of smartphone apps for this; I like Call Recorder, available on Google Play) and ask her about her childhood. Or yours. Or whether bedsharing and nursing in public and organic foods were such a big deal when she was a young mom. (Answer: yes. Some things never change.) Not sure how to start? Check out this list of great questions from StoryCorps, a nonprofit often featured on NPR that encourages people to record and preserve important conversations.

    Do you agree? If you live far away from your mother, how do you ensure that you both have a happy Mother’s Day?

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    Marian
    As a writer and editor, Marian Cowhig Owen made her living crafting – or at least striving for – perfect prose. But motherhood taught her quickly that there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. It’s a lesson she’s learning over and over every day. A Midwesterner by birth, Marian lived in North Carolina for 14 years before her husband’s job brought the family to Columbia in fall 2013. She and her preschooler have quickly found new favorite haunts in the Midlands, including Saluda Shoals Park, EdVenture and the Irmo branch library. In her spare time, this NPR junkie also sings, bakes and does needlework. She’s recently taken up running, with an eye toward her first 5K race in the fall. And as for that perfection she’s been seeking? Her Pinterest boards are very carefully curated.

    1 COMMENT

    1. My mother only lives about 110 miles away, but it can be tedious to get there and also enjoy my day as well… We are both spotlight Mamas and that can be messy at times… so I just try and ‘do what I can, when I can’. This year we went down on May 3rd to visit for Lily’s belated birthday (my mother doesn’t do well in crowds and doesn’t attend the children’s parties and I am **OK** with that!!) so we made it into a Mother’s Day visit too. We took two cards and a small gift. I will prolly call her on Sunday too.. better go set an alarm on my Google Calendar so I don’t forget 😉

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