Moving House With Kids in Tow

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Moving is no one’s idea of a good time. Oh, sure, there’s the excitement of picking out new paint colors or bathroom accessories, and a fresh start in a new place is always nice. But the logistics of it all — switching utilities, renting a truck or hiring movers, packing, loading, lugging — can make even the most positive person sit down and cry. And when you add kids to the picture, it’s harder yet.

So what’s a mom to do when faced with a move? Writers Sarah Bradford and Marian Cowhig Owen are recent transplants to the Midlands, and they’ve had their share of moving misadventures with toddlers and preschoolers in tow. Here, they share their stories and advice for helping make your move with children run more smoothly.

How We Got Here

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Boxes, boxes everywhere

Sarah: Our family moved to Lexington in September 2012 for my husband’s promotion. It was the first time I or my two boys had moved out of state. I was excited. I have always wanted to live in other parts of the U.S. I really was not nervous for myself or my kids — I knew we would be okay.

Now, almost two years later, there have been too many times to count that our family has wondered if there may be another move across state lines in our future. If it does happen again, along with being excited to live in yet another state, I will be bummed to leave the wonderful friends we all have made. But I will be even more prepared with questions to ask and research to do.

Marian: Let’s just say 2013 was a year of change for our family. In the fall of 2012, we learned that my husband’s job would be moving from Greensboro, N.C., to Charlotte. He reported to the new job in February 2013, and our son and I stayed in Greensboro while we waited for our house to sell.

We waited for SIX. MONTHS.

While this was going on, David worked in Charlotte during the week and came home on weekends. It was hard on all of us, particularly since David wasn’t happy with the way the new job was going. But the house finally sold, and in August 2013 we moved into a rental in the Charlotte suburbs. Moving day was my son’s 3rd birthday.

Six weeks later, David was offered another job within the company. It was a great opportunity, and even though it was crazy to pick up and move, we did. So in November 2013, we moved again, to the outskirts of Columbia. Eight months later, we feel settled in and we’re happy in our new home. But the lessons we learned from two moves in three months have stuck with us.

Talk With Local Moms

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Moms have all the answers.

Sarah: Before I even started the house search, I did a mom search. I logged onto meetup.com and searched for local mom groups. I registered to become a member of a few, and once I was accepted, I searched through the member list to find moms with kids the same age as mine. I emailed them a list of questions: What were the good and bad areas? What things were there to do? Where are the parks? How is the zoo? How successful and welcoming that mom group was! I was making friends before I even moved here.

There is also a comprehensive list of moms groups on the Columbia SC Moms Blog website. Unfortunately, the blog wasn’t established when I moved to the area.

Talk With Your Kids

mom hugs
The way you talk about the move can make a big difference in how your kids react to it.

Sarah: At the time of our move, we vaguely talked with our sons, then 1 and 3, about the move. We told them that we were going to a new house and that it was far away. The whole 7-hour drive to South Carolina, the 3-year-old kept saying, “Going to the new house?” which broke my sister-in-law’s heart. He is now 5 and still doesn’t completely grasp that we can’t just go to Grandma Ginny’s or Gran Gran’s house on a whim. They love looking at slideshows of the family and we make it a point to Skype with family on a regular basis.

Marian: For both our moves, my husband was already in the new city working before our son and I got there. So the major attraction of the move was that we would get to live with Daddy again. I hammered on this point hard; it kept him (and me) from focusing on what we’d be leaving. We visited my husband several times, so we were able to show our son what our new city would be like. When we were planning our Columbia move, we visited the zoo and bought a membership on the first day of our first visit, so we always had something positive to mention about our new home.

Packing

moving boxes
Try to find the fun in packing — and think of the fun the kids will have when the boxes are empty again!

Sarah: Gosh, I don’t remember packing, but obviously we did it. Whenever I do anything time-consuming, I either have the kids help or keep them occupied.

Let them put their toys in a box while you pack up the bathroom. Let them put the linens and towels in boxes, while you wrap the breakables (I wrapped breakables in the linens and towels). I packed ahead of time, a little at a time, during naps and after bedtime.

Marian: Our first move was a corporate move, so a team of five strong movers showed up and packed our entire house in 2 days. It was a little scary to see how fast they worked! We paid for our second move ourselves, so we packed as much as we could and had the movers finish up on moving day.

To give Will something to during the packing phase, I had him fill a box with his most special toys. We kept those with us while the rest of our stuff was in transit. This was great because it gave him some control over the chaos and it ensured that he had plenty of entertainment during the hectic days of the move.

Unpacking — Or Not

babys room
When your children’s familiar possessions are in place, it’s easier for them to settle into the new house.

Sarah: Having everything in its place will help your kids feel more comfortable in their new home and will be less stressful for the entire family. We were lucky enough to have my in-laws make the drive down with us and help with the kids. While my husband and the moving crew moved us in, I was unpacking our kitchen stuff. I was completely unpacked, with mirrors and artwork on the wall, before my in-laws went home at the end of the weekend.

Marian: I am a terrible unpacker, and to this day we still have plenty of unpacked boxes. But we worked hard to get Will’s room finished as soon as possible after we moved in, to give him some normalcy. Once that was done, and we had unpacked enough to bathe, eat and get dressed, I focused on re-establishing Will’s and my daily routines. Our little rituals — playing at the park, eating Goldfish in the Target food court, reading books at the library — were important to both of us. It sounds backward, but once I felt at home in our new city, I could feel at home in our new house.

Making Friends

friends
Making new friends can make you feel at home quickly.

Sarah: Once we were all settled, I jumped right into playdates. My husband travels a lot, so I knew I would need not only playmates for my kids but also friends for myself. I found a new pediatrician and dentists, and then I had to find a new midwife, because a month after we moved in, we found out we were pregnant with #3.

I have easy pregnancies, but that pregnancy I was very hormonal and negative about EVERYTHING (our rental home, dealings with stupid real estate agents, pediatricians with no walk-ins, no left turn signals, too much humidity and GNATS)! I don’t know how I made a single friend, but I did. I was just honest about my depression with the pregnancy and they welcomed me with all my craziness.

Marian: I am a total joiner, so I looked in several directions for places to make friends and get involved in our new community. As luck would have it, the house we found was right down the street from a church of my denomination, so that was an easy choice. I volunteer in the church nursery, so we’ve met lots of families with kids Will’s age. And we joined a great playgroup that’s given both Will and me wonderful friendships and insider knowledge about Columbia.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

Sarah: If you’re moving locally, don’t be afraid to ask your friends for helping watching your kids during the move. Any friend worth having will help you if she can.

Marian: My dad drove in from Illinois to help us with both moves, and I am beyond grateful to him. We could never have done it without him. I knew we’d need a calm person to watch Will — and I knew I would be a frazzled mess. Even when you have movers, there’s a lot to manage on moving day — paperwork, payments, checking to make sure that last box got off the truck, and oh yes, unpacking.

Tough Transitions

glass jar
A “good-feelings jar” can help your kids bring some of their old home to the new house.

Marian: Even if it’s a short local move, it may take your child a while to adjust. Don’t be alarmed if he or she talks about your old house for months after the move. Even now, nearly a year after we left our Greensboro house, Will still says he misses it. At just three years old, I’m not sure he actually remembers much about it, but for whatever reason he’s thinking of it then and wants to tell me about it. And that’s okay.

I read a lot of books and websites about how to help your child with a move. Most of them related to older kids, who have to deal with new schools. But there are plenty of ideas for rituals to help younger children. One I loved, but forgot to implement, was the good-feelings jar: Before you leave your old home, take an open glass jar and walk through all the rooms. Then put the lid on tight to capture all the good feelings you’ve experienced there. Open it as soon as you get to the new home, to let the good feelings permeate your new space.

Lessons Learned

Sarah: In South Carolina, I became a real SAHM for the first time. When picking a house, I knew I didn’t want to be in the sticks, but didn’t choose a house as centrally located as I wish we were. We go to the zoo at least once a month, and would visit the mall play area more if we lived closer. I will definitely be more knowledgeable on the distance  the activities are in comparison to our home.

Next time I will find two types of moms to get advice from — both will be SAHMs, but one will be originally from the state and the other will be someone who is also new to the area. Someone who is new to the area will most likely have a completely different description of the area than someone who was born and raised there.

Another thing I will specifically ask is about the bugs. The gnats here are RIDICULOUS!!!! I know my friends are tired of me complaining about them, but they are NO JOKE. I have heard from some people that while they are unbearable in most areas, a FEW areas have none at all. That will definitely be on my question list (not only gnats, just bugs in general.)

Marian: Don’t move twice in three months. That’s my lesson. But seriously, I’ve learned that my son is more resilient than I thought. When I felt like hardly anything was within my control — where we’d move, when, how long we’d stay — I focused on what I could control, which was keeping Will’s life as stable as possible. And it paid off. He handled all our transitions better than I did, and as long as he had his dad and me, and his favorite toys, he settled in fairly quickly. He’s greeted our new home with his usual cheer and enthusiasm, and he’s helped me do the same.

What advice do you have for helping a move with kids go more smoothly?

1 COMMENT

  1. Moving is tough and children make the process a little more stressful. I agree that you should not be afraid to ask for help. It is OK to not be able to do everything. When help is offered, take it! Thanks for sharing.

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