“I never thought I’d get here.”
“This will never get easier.”
“I never gave it a chance.”
I remember thinking these things not so long ago. So I just want to start by saying (typing) to all the mommies with an infant and a slightly older sibling … it will get easier.
At this moment I am standing at the kitchen counter realizing we have moved on to a new normal – one with less screaming and crying because now is the time of day when the baby is usually crying from hunger, exhaustion, and teething. The point when it’s close to bedtime but those 73 minutes seem so far into tomorrow! The moment you just break from the madness and lack of sleep. But the baby is not crying like she used to. She has moved on to a new stage without me really realizing it. It’s getting better.
There is still lack of sleep sometimes. And it’s still about the children, just in a different way now. The nights used to be a routine of seeing how many times mommy gets up for one of the littles. Now my mind keeps me up thinking about the most random things squished in between day-to-day life. Of course there is a rundown of what tomorrow’s to-do list will look like – which has grown longer and longer. I used to take joy in having such a free schedule for the first couple of years as a SAHM. Nowadays I barely keep track of what day of the week it is. But that is just the way this life is.
And it is always changing. Just like these sleepless nights, but remember, you will get there.
I lose sleep now from staying up doing things I want to do. Yes, it’s totally OK to lie in bed and watch Sex And The City 2 … for the hundredth time! Sorry, not sorry. I love me some Carrie Bradshaw!! Or there are nights when I’m tackling some painting. (I am so determined to get this house painted in the next two weeks!) There is for sure something so therapeutic about painting. And there’s definitely something satisfying about erasing previous owners’ choice of paint colors. It’s totally self-care mode and low-key activities that take up my nighttime hours. Totally my way of centering and finding my zen space again. That way I’m good to go the next morning and feel as though I can handle *mostly* anything that comes my way.
A new way of normal … including saying bye-bye to unorganized chaos.
Now we shifted to “organized” chaos. We went from a basically free schedule to one where most days are busy and scheduled with activities. And while I’m still figuring it all out, it’s nice to slip into a new kind of every day life. Of course at times things are nuts and I feel like I’ve intentionally sabotaged myself, but those are pretty few and far between. When things used to get to that point not too long ago, it was usually around bath time. Oh the most favorite time of day. Since my two kids were way smaller then, I of course wanted to bathe them at the same time or right after the other. It would usually start off pretty smooth and easy going, then out of nowhere it would turn into a tsunami. All the crying and screaming!
Oh how I remember those days. And one day you will, too.
Just like you’ll have a moment when you look up and realize things have changed. You’ll start running through the past few weeks, maybe even months, and see how different the days have been. How crazy!!! The kids are playing nicely without direct supervision and have been for the last ten minutes. That is the biggest thing to me right now. The simple fact that I’ve been standing here writing, with a pen and notepad, this little post. The kids are happy. Nobody is crying. And did I mention that it is 6:49 p.m. on a Wednesday?!?
How can this be real life? Let alone MY life! Just how quickly I am looking and wishing that time back.
And one day you will, too.