Painted Blue :: Admitting to Gender Disappointment

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When I found out I was pregnant with my second child there were a couple of things I immediately assumed would be true: morning sickness would only last the first trimester, I would crave French fries and Kraft Mac and Cheese, and would have another girl.

Well, you know what they say about assuming…

My husband and I found out the sex of our second child, in front of our friends and family, and I was immediately thrilled by his reaction. His entire face lit up and pride beamed across the room. I laughed and cheered along with the party, but inside something very different from elation was taking hold. I excused myself and made my way to my bedroom where I retreated into a slight panic.

Boy. Boy. I am having a BOY.

Truthfully, I was not hugely surprised by the news, as you know from my bump diaries, this pregnancy has been night and day from my last. So, I always had a hunch there was a little guy growing in there, but the ultrasound confirmation still came as a shock.

And in complete and total honesty, I was disappointed.

As most women do, I had envisioned what my future family would look like and it always included two little girls, close in age; playing Barbie, sharing secrets and clothes. My own sister and I are only twenty-one months apart and while we can battle like none other, we have a bond that will carry us for the rest of our lives. She is my person. The ying to my yang. We are the “Witt Sisters.” I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it. I thought my daughter would have the same with her own little sister.

I always envisioned two little princesses playing together.

And I grieved for this loss.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am so incredibly excited to have a healthy baby boy in a couple of months, but I still find myself a bit surprised by it. Having not grown up with a brother in the house (my brother Jared is 14 years younger and lives in Houston), I am a bit lost on the dynamics they bring to the household. I am entrenched in all things girl right now: Disney princesses, dress-up clothes, playing house, all things pink and sparkly and overly dramatic. I am totally lost when shopping for boy toys. And their clothes, they are just not as cute as girls.

Up until a few weeks ago, I had not bought my poor boy a single thing. No new clothes hung in his closet, no sweet snugly bear awaited his crib. While some of this can simply be attributed to second child syndrome, deep down I know it was because every time I ventured into the children’s section my eyes and heart immediately fluttered at the sight of the spring dresses awaiting and completely skipped past the boys. When asked what my nursery theme for this baby was going to be, I either made something up, stammered “woodland-ish” or said we had not decided.

Truthfully, I hadn’t even thought about it.

I began to wonder if I was the only person who felt the twinges of disappointment over the sex of their unborn. If you Google “gender disappointment” a slew of articles pop up stressing how very real and natural it is. However, I have rarely, maybe once or twice, openly discussed the topic with another mom. I hope that my admission helps change this.

I know that I will love and adore my son, I already do, but a small part of me is still sad that there will be no Big Sis/Little Sis in my house. I miss the brown-eyed beauties I imagined hosting tea parties in the yard.

However, as I navigate the final months of my pregnancy, I am making new dreams for my family. I can start to see the outlines of a girl and a boy running hand in hand through the sprinkler, or hear the laughter of my daughter as she dresses her little brother up in a princess gown for the first time.

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I know my son and daughter will have an amazing bond … one I can’t even imagine just yet.

I know these two will have a bond I simply cannot imagine yet. I am so looking forward to seeing how it grows.

Did you experience gender disappointment?

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Ashleigh
Ashleigh always knew she wanted to be a mom, but a stay at home mom, not so much. At 26 she found herself trading in her lipstick and high heels for Burt’s Bee’s and nursing bras. The first of their core group of friends to have kids, Ashleigh and her husband Eric strive to maintain their fun loving lifestyle while simultaneously raising their toddler daughter. Luckily, Tiny Girl is an adorable extrovert who loves getting out and about as much as her parents. On weekends you can find the threesome strolling the aisles of Target, road tripping it to Charleston, or hosting friends in Irmo for epic board game battles.

18 COMMENTS

  1. I cried on the ultrasound table when I found out I was having a boy. I had a couple of dresses bought and a game cocktail cheerleading outfit. My dying grandmother even told me I was having a girl. Anyhow…the tech asked if I was okay….I told her yes…felt so horrible about myself because he was a miracle baby. I have PCOS…shouldn’t I just be thankful no matter what? 4 years later I’m laying next to my little guy. He is Momma’s little prince…and he calls me his Princess. This is a bond that I could never put into words. It’s amazing. Oh and I found out there are adorable boy clothes….just ask this Gymboree Addict. 🙂

  2. I knew we were having a boy immediately, just as I knew we were having a girl when I was pregnant with our daughter. She is now 2 and we are expecting baby boy in another 10-11 weeks. I was thrilled to have one of each, but I completely empathize with all the emotions of my heart just not being in it. I am excited to meet him, but everything I was so enchanted with the first time around has lost its sparkle. I’m exhausted this pregnancy- working full time and chasing after a busy toddler. The first time around I spent my days lounging poolside and baking two and three kinds of goodies a day, preparing a detailed pregnancy journal complete with photos and embellishments I purchased at Michaels. I had her nursery done with two months left to spare. Everyone knew her name. I had embroidered outfits, a newborn photographer lined up, all her swings and chairs already assembled with batteries in place. This time, we don’t have a name; we haven’t bought a single thing; I could care less about documenting anything because I don’t have the energy….and already it hits me. This poor babe is already gipped. 🙁

  3. I can relate to this. We and everyone else were convinced our first was going to be a girl. We had a girl name picked out that we loved but couldn’t settle on a boy name we liked. When we found out we were having a boy, we were definitely a little disappointed.

    Looking back, I can’t even imagine not having my baby boy. My little guy is absolutely the light of my life. He is the sweetest, happiest, most adorable baby and he LOVES his mama. There is no love like the love a baby boy has for his mom. It is a special bond unlike anything else.

    It’s true there are more cute clothes for girls, but at this point that just makes me mad. Frankly, the world is hard for girls. Im excited to raise a strong, passionate, emotional, empathetic man who will stand up for the women around him.

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