My husband always tries to take into consideration what I would like for holidays, such as Mother’s Day. Usually I say that I’m happy with whatever he gets (which is true), or I may suggest the title of a book I’ve been coveting. My first Mother’s Day I was so grateful for the little boy I waited five years for, that I (cornily, but honestly) remarked that I had everything I wanted.
This year is a little different. While I still have everything I want and I’d be happy with anything my husband graciously decides to gift, I have five items on my wish list this Mother’s Day:
One night of really good sleep
I realize this is a lot to ask for, but I frequently fantasize about going to sleep one night and not being woken up by my bladder; stress dreams; or coughing, sneezing, crying, gas passing, talking, singing, whimpering, or screeching of any creature, human or otherwise. I can only imagine what it must feel like to sleep straight through the night, waking up well after the sun rises, feeling completely refreshed and ready to tackle the day. Hmm, maybe what I should really ask for is a sleeping pill.
A solo visit to the bathroom
The bathroom was the one place I could hide and watch a video on Facebook in peace. And then my child learned to walk and turn doorknobs. Now it’s all, “Mama, pictures of me,” and “Mama, I wanna see video of me,” (Did I mention that he’s also narcissistic?) while this little person is trying to climb on my lap – all while I’m sitting on the toilet.
At least one hour of a perfectly clean house (that I, of course, didn’t have to clean)
No crushed cereal under my feet. No blocks to trip over. No dishes in the sink. No laundry in the hamper. Or on the floor. Or on whatever flat surface isn’t already covered with junk. Even if I could wave a magic wand and make my house spotless, we all know that it would be a very, very short matter of time before something became grimy or sticky or cluttered. It still amazes me how one tiny human can make such ginormous messes.
Half a day in a quiet house to binge watch anything other than Sesame Street
There was a time when I would fill my streaming queue with all these fabulous (and not-so-fabulous) shows to watch on rainy days. Now, I don’t even bother. I don’t even see my queue these days. Why? Because all my streaming service does is recommend Calliou and new episodes of Daniel Tiger. Friends gush about the kind of trash TV that I once upon a time would spend nights tweeting about, but now I don’t even know what show they’re talking about because – Sesame Street.
A hot meal all to myself
I thought the days of sitting down to a cold meal would be over once my son could feed himself. For some reason, that’s not the case. And when I do get to eat piping hot fries, there are grubby little hands that steal at least half. This is why I eat way too much fast food during my working hours. An order of fries, right out of the fryer, and they’re mine, all mine!
So there you have it – my ideal day: waking up late after a wonderful sleep to a spotless home, using the bathroom in peace, and enjoying a hot breakfast as I watch trash TV. Maybe I should check into a hotel.