Stay-at-Home Mom Does Not Equal Free Babysitter

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Often times people think stay-at-home moms have nothing to do. That if we’re at home we must be sitting around on the floor playing Barbies and G.I. Joe, or doing the dishes, or popping bon-bon’s in our mouth while we catch up on the latest soap operas and reality TV. These moms have nothing but time on their hands which means….

“HEY … you can watch my kid for me, can’t you?'” 

Ummmm …. no. Just because I’m a stay-at-home mom does not mean I want to watch your child. Here’s why…

I’m busy.

While yes, I’m a stay-at-home mom, and yes, I do stay home a majority of the time, it doesn’t mean I don’t have things to do. I’m taking care of my family. I’m raising my kids. I’m not a childcare center. And let me be real here … even if I did have nothing but time on my hands, the last thing I want to do is watch your kid. I don’t even want to watch my own all the time!

I’m not really a kid person.

I LOVE my kids, and I love yours too, but it’s hard dealing with them around the clock. The meltdowns. The tantrums. The struggle of just being kids. Every day I am just trying to keep it all together and I don’t have it in me to add another child to the mix.

You can’t afford me.

There’s a reason childcare costs are so high. Taking care of kids is demanding and exhausting. Lets be real … if you’re wanting to drop your kid off with me it’s because I’m free or cheaper than a daycare center and that’s just not right.

Flat out … I just don’t want to.

I totally understand if you need a favor. We all do. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the friend who hits you up ALL THE TIME to watch her little love muffin because she has XYZ to do. And on the flip side, I don’t typically ask people to watch my kids because I’m not in a position to reciprocate.

So please, the next time you think your stay-at-home mom friend is a great option to watch your kid(s) just because she’s doesn’t have a traditional job, consider all these things. Motherhood is hard. The days are long. Sometimes the frustrations outweigh the joy. And sometimes that mama is staying home because she just isn’t up for adding one more thing (or person) to her plate.

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Simone Praylow
Simone Praylow is wife and bestest friend in the world to Otis (better known as Odor) and mom to football and soccer loving Grayson 12, competitive cheerleader Elind, 7 and tantrum expert Ozzy Voltaire, 2. She is a native of New Jersey but relocated to Key West and later Columbia. As an overachiever, she believes learning is the best gift she can give her children and spends much of her time teaching her children at home (Grayson attends school, but the learning doesn't end when he leaves the classroom). Simone finds motherhood and family life are most easily managed by having a system in place for homelife, kids' schedules (including learning, screen time and reading) and meal planning. She is an avid reader who finds books are one of the best ways to unwind at the end of the day. She spends a lot of time boxing and at Pure Barre getting her burn on. You'll often find her buried in a book or on Pinterest getting ideas for her next project or yummy meals for the family menu.

8 COMMENTS

  1. Thanks for writing this. It’s just not sahm who have this problem. Grandmothers get stuck too. Even at times by their own children. Never bother to even ask if we’re busy and don’t care that I have a full time job and my own home to take care of. They know we worry about who they leave them with so they take advantage even if it’s just to go to the store.

  2. Can we get a big round of applause for this!!! I have a two year old and a newborn the moms I thought were my friends constantly asked me to watch their kids. I’m learning to just say no! It’s seriously ridiculous I get a text can you was billy joe and Susan at 8 am I have a doc appt at 10. I take my kids why can’t you… or the can you watch my kids so I can go on a date. 🙄🙄

  3. I am a SAHM and I’ve also had people assume I will watch their kids, for free. They are shocked when I tell them I’m too busy. One person even said “but you just sit home all day!” Uh, no, I have a car and I often drive places during the day.

  4. I have a problem… i love my 7month old niece (my brothers child) an 6 year old nephew (husband’s sisters son) but i have a 13 year old type 1 diabetic son an my husband is a diabetic himself we constanly have doctor appointments an things to do i am a stay at home mom an my family life is crazy as it is my sister n law is a single parent nobody in my husband’s family will watch my nephew after school or if he has 2 miss school being sick etc. She expects me to do it everyday she only pays me 5 to 10 dollars a day i have told her that i cant do anymore i am just to busy to care for him but she still shows up with him 2 catch the bus an he still rides the bus 2 my house an my husband’s mom lives in the school district an she wont watch him still to help out an she dont work … than my brother expects me to watch my 7 month old niece 3 days a week an he keeps getting over on me an wont pay me for my time i say stuff all time to him an it still dont help….. i am exhausted as it is i have fibromyalgia an back problems an a busy family life as it is let alone babysit everyday all day sometimes my sister n law dont come get my nephew till 730 or 8 at night when she gets off work at 5 an she turns her phone off i have address my issues to my husband an he said i understand u feel lik that i will talk to my sister but when he does it goes in one ear an out the other i dont know what else to do i am bout to blow up cant bite my tongue much longer… help !!!

    • Your first priority is to your spouse and child. You have nothing to give them if you aren’t taking care of yourself. You have a health condition, your son has a health condition and to top it off, so does your husband. You need to say one more time “No. I’m sorry, but NO.”. If the bus shows up to drop off one of the kids, you let the bus driver know it was not authorized and the child will have to go back to the school and wait on a parent to pick him or her up. Same with when they drop them off. No. No one can get over in you unless you let them. Put. Your. Foot. Down.

  5. Thank you for writing this. I literally felt like I was about to go insane. My husband and I got in a big fight today because my sis in law texted me this morning about later on when I was apparently going to watch my nieces for her. My biggest problem with it (beside the fact that my two children are age two and age one, and her two children are age two and age one…fighting and having tantrums more than they play and have fun) is the fact that no one ASKED me or informed me that I was babysitting. It was assumed that I could because I stay at home and don’t have a “job”. My husband said he thought my sis in law spoke to me. I told him I could not handle watching all four on my own because of their ages. Two of them are still nursing. He yelled at me…and now resents me for not being happy about helping. My sis in law has a job. I would love to get a job some days. Have some adult interaction. But I cannot because I cannot expect family members just to watch my children and I cannot afford child care. So I’m a SAHM. And honestly some days I struggle to handle it on my own with my own kids. Plus, my niece is violent with my daughter and I constantly have to pry her off of my child. I will watch them today, because the miss communication lies with my husband. But your post has given me courage to not agree to babysitting more then once a week (honestly not even sure I can handle that). I appreciate your honesty and I feel validated. Instead of alone, frustrated, and angry at myself for not being a better family “support” for my brother and sister in law.

  6. I’m a SAHM and I’m tired of my sister relying on me all the time to babysit my niece. I love my niece so much and treat her the same way I treat my child when she stays over but it’s just so exhausting and annoying already. I sacrifice staying with my kid because I have no one to babysit my daughter yet my sister assumes I must always be available. Right now I’m babysitting and in my case my niece stays over they won’t pick her up until the end of the week. My mom left to Florida so she also always tries to make me feel guilty for not wanting to babysit. It’s time to just stop answering the phone this is becoming ridiculous already I’m tired of being her free charge babysitter, and even if I got paid I just rather have my time to deal with my own things without having an extra child to deal with.

  7. Yes! I just came across this. I am a work from home mom. My job is remote. But, my job is demanding. I work 10-12 hours a day, plus have 2 kids. When school is cancelled (weather, covid, etc.) It is stressful enough having my 2 kids home! Basically, I ignore my kids for 10 hours straight. I am pretty strict and don’t tolerate any arguing or bickering or them being disruptive. If they start fussing and I have to mediate, then they go to their separate rooms for 30 min to an hour. I put them in solitary confinement. Yep. Because I CANNOT DEAL WITH THEIR SH*T AND PROVIDE THE LEVEL OF ATTENTION TO MY JOB THAT IS EXPECTED OF ME. If I am on a customer call or with internal, executive staff, and my kids are screaming at each other in the background, I will be deemed as unprofessional. Just because I work from home doesn’t mean the expectations my company has for me have been lowered. So, what makes people think I can keep their kids because school is cancelled? I can’t. Oh, you can’t take your kids to work with you, but it’s OK to bring them to my workplace? Come on people. Stop asking.

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