Another year, another vase full of flowers that are made from cut out prints of your hands. Or a beautiful rendering of a pink and green blob, with six arms that kind of resembles that thing I found under the couch last week (that thing we don’t talk about) that I’ve been told is a portrait of me (how beautiful).
Dear child (and by default, spouse), I love you and your handmade gifts, but there are four things that would make an awesome mother’s day gift, which do not require craft scissors, glue and a ton of clean up (get your note pad out).
1. Get Yourself a Watch
I know you are ‘only little for so long’ and will one day ‘not want anything to do with me’ BUT that doesn’t mean that I have to wake up before the sun every day. It also means that, unlike you, I like to sleep. Very much so. I know I turn the TV on sometimes and leave you to pick the shows you want to watch so I can hop in the shower, but that doesn’t mean I want to discuss them at 4 a.m. Nope.
Please for this Mother’s Day, get yourself a watch and learn to tell time. Learn when 6 a.m. is and that any time before then is not an appropriate time to be up and demanding we discuss your feelings about the most recent episode of Paw Patrol.
2. Target Trip Coupon
A coupon good for one trip to Target. Alone. Without time restrictions. I would like to go to Target and walk up and down each wonderfully amazing aisle, just as your father does when he goes into [insert outdoor sporting goods store name here]. I didn’t look at all the throw pillow options I’ll think to myself, and because I am alone, I’ll wander back over the that way without anyone asking how much longer.
I can SKIP the toy section entirely and not deal with the repercussions. No one will ask for a snack, and no one will realize as we approach the back corner of the store that they ‘have to use the bathroom now’ before they wet their pants and there will be no mad dash to the front of the store to avoid said accident. And most importantly, I will not have to be home in three hours, because you’re giving that baby a bottle.
3. A Space Day
Not outer space kind of space. Room to breathe, or wiggle a toe while sitting on the couch kind of space. I love you, and I want to snuggle, and read you stories and watch movies, etc. but sometimes, after what seems like an eternity of having no space, I’d like just a little. And I don’t want to have to hide in my closet, or lock myself in the bathroom to get it. A coupon good for a ‘Space Day’, where for just the day, no one is allowed to invade mom’s personal space (unless of course, a booboo needs a kiss).
4. Opposite Hour
I carry you, I change diapers, I push strollers, I play games in which I usually have no idea what I am doing, I dress up, I make silly faces and I laugh at all your jokes (even when I don’t get them). Let’s switch. It’s mama’s turn to be pushed in a cart around the store while I make wild demands and cry when they are not agreed to. Just for an hour, I would like to trade places.