Passionate About Columbia SC
and the Moms Who Live Here

When Your Mom Tribe is Scattered

There’s a lot of talk today about finding your “tribe” … that group of like-minded people who just get you. The ones who will rally when you are recovering from the hard times and will cheer you on in the good times. In case you are in doubt about the importance of this, here are some of the top (out of 6 million) hits from a Google search for “your tribe”:

Finding your Tribe may be the hardest thing you do

Why you need to find your tribe

How finding your tribe can be the key to finding your ideal career

Finding your tribe: tips for connecting with like-minded souls

Well. As if I don’t already have enough pressure to be an amazing wife and mom, now I find out that if I can only find my “tribe” (not just one “bosom friend” a-la Anne of Green Gables, but a whole group of them), my life will be a whole lot better. Maybe this is the secret to success.

Or is it?

I am not downplaying the importance of friendship and of having some solid relationships, but I’m finding that the whole “tribe” idea is not working for me in the Steel Magnolias vision of a close-knit group of girlfriends around the corner who are there with one another through thick and thin. That’s not to say I don’t have support from others, but a good deal of my “tribe” doesn’t know one another because they are scattered, both geographically because of my very mobile Air Force upbringing, and interests-wise because of the ways God has brought different people across my path.

So here is a sampling of my scattered “tribe”:

  • my fellow elementary/tween mom tribe
  • my pregnancy loss tribe
  • my rainbow baby tribe
  • my homeschool tribe
  • my Classical Conversations tribe
  • my American Heritage Girls tribe
  • my faith tribe
  • my similar-parenting-style tribe
  • my we’re-the-older-moms tribe

In each of these areas, I have two or three friends who are my go-to people in the tough times. For some of them, I am their go-to person as well, so I guess we are mutual tribers, but that is not always the case. How my tribe and I support one another depends on what is going on. When I have a homeschool issue, I’m not going to vent about it to someone in my pregnancy loss tribe. When I have a pregnancy loss issue, I’m not necessarily going to call on someone in my American Heritage Girl tribe – unless they overlap, which is nice.

In fact, the longer I live, the more overlap I am finding among these tribes, where now I have some close friends who are homeschooling moms with a similar parenting styles as myself, who have also been on the journey of pregnancy loss and having a rainbow baby, and they are some of my best go-to people – but not always. I also have some great “faith tribe” friends who share none of my other interests and experiences, but are ladies I know I could call at 2 a.m. and they would be there for me.

And know what? That works for me, especially in this internet age where I may connect more often, and better, with a pregnancy loss friend on the West Coast than with a mom I see regularly but have very little in common with. And while I delight in those in-person friends-around-the-corner, I take just as much delight in my tribe that is scattered around the globe. We may not see each other’s faces very often, but we’ve got each other’s backs, which is what counts in the long run.

Is your tribe scattered? How do you stay connected?


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