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An Open Letter to My Child’s Birth Mother

An Open Letter to My Child's Birth Mother | Columbia SC Moms BlogFor most of us, the month of November represents Thanksgiving. But did you know that it’s also National Adoption Month? These are two of my favorite things!

In honor of National Adoption Month, I am writing a note of thanksgiving to our daughter’s birth mother.

Dear Birth Mother of My Child, 

First, thank you for making the choice to give life. Thank you for bleeding and pushing and all the other unpleasant stuff that pregnancy and labor bring forth. You could have made a choice to stop all this, but you chose life for another.

Thank you for choosing us; for saying that we were parents who needed a child. How many people have that experience? How many people are chosen? 

Thank you for making what you believed was the best decision for you and this child. And thank you for standing up to anyone who questioned it. I know it was not easy, especially for someone so soft-spoken and kind, but somehow you made the decision and stuck to your word. 

Thank you for letting us be parents. From asking us to attend appointments to accepting the legal facts, to letting us cheer you on as we watched her come into the world, to keeping distance right after birth, to encouraging total name autonomy. Our beautiful girl did not have any separation anxiety as a newborn or confusion about who was who. She’s an attached, well adjusted, happy child. As for us, we couldn’t be closer to her. I can’t tell you how often everyone forgets she was adopted.

Thank you for having the perfect nose because I’m pretty sure she has it too (thank God!).

Thank you for not criticizing my parenting. Everyone has different opinions at times, but you don’t make me feel judged or threatened. Plus, every time you let me know you like something I do for her, I have this happiness in parenting I hear so many other moms miss out on. Constant insecurity and self-ridicule are not taking over my mental podium because of your words of encouragement. 

Thank you for taking care of you. You have done well after everything, and it makes me happy that one day you can tell that story proudly. 

Thank you for respecting our and the baby’s privacy by not broadcasting her personal birth details so that she can choose what people know about her. 

Thank you for not being perfect because frankly, no one wants to compete with a saint. 

Thank you for caring. Some people wonder what it’s like to have someone else care about your child, but we’ve seen loads of children who people do not care for enough. I am glad you ask how she is and what she likes. I am glad we have a picture of you together and that she has met and played with you, that she can ask you questions about her family health and heritage.

Adoption is not abandoning. Adoption is a choice. It was your choice, and we are so thankful for it!

Lovingly,

Our grateful family

An Open Letter to My Child's Birth Mother | Columbia SC Moms Blog

If you are a birth mom who has never received a thank you, thank you too. Our children are the greatest thing in the world, and they wouldn’t be here without you!

Note: All adoptions are different, so please refrain from making assumptions about birth parents in general. Courts terminate some people’s parental rights against their will, while others select parents, and that’s just two options. Adoptions can happen locally or across the world, from birth to 18 years, and no statement applies to all of them. In infant adoption, it’s not always single, unwed teenage moms. Plenty of couples put their child up for adoption as well. While this note is specific to the birth mother, we equally appreciate the birth father who bravely made this process possible and smooth.

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