I should’ve known what was happening. Instead, it puzzled me for six months.
I should have had a panic attack the minute I checked in to Burn Boot Camp. It was a strange new world. I’d never joined a gym and, like I often tell people, my parents didn’t make me participate in sports. (Yes, I still blame them.) Physical stamina and agility are not my strengths. I did rearrange furniture myself (when I was single) but I am otherwise rather weak and don’t have the best balance. (WiiU Yoga proved that.)
So that first day at the gym, I gave myself a lot of freedom to fail and freak. Instead, the people were so friendly and the protocol was so adaptable. I chose the mod down options on every exercise and lost the shame of being such a newbie. I thought I’d won.
But the next day was hard. I felt light-headed and dizzy. I excused myself early and blamed it on not eating breakfast. In the weeks that followed, proper nutrition prep did nothing, though, for my out-of-control feelings that happened often at the gym. A couple of times, I took a break to go outside and cry.
Months into gym membership, my epiphany came.
My heartbeat increases with exercise. My muscles shake when I’m holding position. Wait. That’s how I feel when a panic attack begins. So I googled and found I was not alone. For people prone to panic attacks, intense exercise may induce one.
So what do we do?
I knew the benefits outweighed the panic attacks. In the real world outside the gym, I believed exercise was not only making me physically stronger but actually reducing my depression and anxiety. I also knew this group class setting was my best chance at sticking with my new healthy habit. So I fought back with logic, understanding that nothing may prevent an attack, but awareness can make all the difference.
It may be crowded, but I can choose my place on the floating floor. I can start in the back and see everything in the room. Or I can start in the front corner and be safely situated near the door. I can be thankful my gym of choice has windows because I can be claustrophobic.
It will be loud, but I can wear earplugs or headphones. I don’t always love the choice of music and I usually hate the volume, but when the rhythm and beat spur me on – it is fun! And sometimes, it’s ‘80s day. So, there’s that.
The instructions may confuse me, but I can ask for help when I need it. We do so many different exercises in just one class at my gym and every day is different. Some days my mind starts spinning just when our trainer is explaining the day’s line-up. On those days I just zone out at the beginning – because do you know how many exercises we are actually doing at any given moment? One. So that’s how I get through gym class. One exercise at a time. And other folks seem to appreciate it when I admit I’m lost and don’t know what’s next.
The panic attack may happen, but I can trust my gym mates to keep going. Remember those other folks who sometimes get lost in the directions, too? I told them about my anxiety and they gave me permission to experience it. Logic asks “what’s the worst that can happen?” My worst is I might cry. I’m thankful I chose a gym with women who will let me. They’ll let me cry during a workout.
