When I was a teenager, my cycle was never predictable and eventually I began taking the birth control pill to regulate my body. Once I got married and we began to think about having a family, I went to the doctor to discuss my options.
While it seemed perfectly reasonable that I would get pregnant with the assistance of modern medicine, once I saw the plan laid out, I was no longer interested. Pills, bloating, irritability, systems in overdrive. I was already irritated by a process I hadn’t begun. Worse, it seemed, I had no interest in even investigating the path. My biological clock, was … silent.
When I sat down with my husband to discuss the options, his one response was “so, if you take medications it will be like you have PMS ALL the time?” I replied that maybe not all the time, but it does wreak havoc on your system.
Making the Decision to Adopt
By miracle of all miracles, he had no interest in a wife with constant PMS. We were eerily and easily on the same page. We were going to adopt because we wanted to be parents, not necessarily wanting the experience of pregnancy.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the judgment that would accompany our “adoption first” family planning. Or that people just assumed I had been trying for years and was infertile. And I didn’t expect the theories people threw out at us for not wanting to use medical intervention to get pregnant.
But before I share these thoughts, let me say, I have absolutely no problem with people who use medical intervention to create a family. Modern medicine is a miraculous and there are several beautiful families I know that were formed with the help of medical intervention. It’s amazing and it’s beautiful to see that process unfold. I also have absolutely no problem with families that turn to adoption after first trying for a biological child. In my opinion, each way of growing a family is a personal decision and a personal journey and our journeys cannot and should not be the same. It’s part of who we are and how our unique families were formed.
Debunked :: Theories on Why I Didn’t Want to Get Pregnant
But, I still heard some ridiculous theories on why I didn’t want to use medicine to get pregnant. Let me debunk just a few with you….
Theory 1 – I didn’t want to get fat
Truth – Hey, guess what, I’ve been at least 10 pounds overweight for as long as I can remember and have rocked some serious saddle bags since infancy. My body changes and I change along with it. My decision to not get pregnant had nothing to do with weight gain. Although, admittedly, I did enjoy drinking champagne at my own baby shower.
Theory 2 – I was not fully emotionally invested in my marriage
Truth – Exhibit A: Invasive home visits by social workers. Exhibit B: Invasive interviews by social workers. Exhibit C: Asking friends and families for references for your adoption agency. Exhibit D: Having to do and re-do paperwork, fingerprints, paperwork, fingerprints. You aren’t going to do those things with someone you are not fully emotionally vested in.
Theory 3 – I had a greater political motivation (like population control)
Truth – My husband told a colleague we were adopting and he congratulated him on not overpopulating the already-crowded world. I still don’t understand how he mentally got to Texas by way of Minnesota, but it definitely was one of the more entertaining theories.
Why We Ultimately Chose to Adopt
Quite simply, we chose adoption first because this was the path we were supposed to take. We have two amazing kids who challenge us and inspire us every day.
While many look at me and take pity on me for my silent biological clock it has turned out to be the greatest gift. It has given me two beautiful and happy children.
So, ladies, if your biological clock is quiet, or even silent, you are not alone.